Sooo……we’ve been watching American Idol for the last couple of weeks on ITV2. I’m still not sure who all the contestants are, but singing contests are my favourite type of reality TV.

Tonight’s episode was “Diana Ross night”, where our struggling artists had to pretend to respect the creepy soul legend, and then sing some of her songs, despite probably never hearing them before….I hate that! If I was a contestant, I’d want to say “Nice to meet you Ms Ross, but your music means nothing to me….”

Anyhoo, it’s time Unreality TV came up with some of our own words for reality TV things. Let’s start with

Cowell-ized

Cowell-ized is when Simon hates your performance, when he destroys you after your performance. At first, you won’t know if he’s going to praise you or slate you, then he drops major crap on your performance, making you wish you’d been booted out weeks ago. Or hoping you’d been…

Cowell-licked

Oh yes, this is when Simon loves you. Even when he overlooks your obvious lack of talent compared with your marketable good looks and your fine figure. Cowell-licked is when you get better compliments despite being the weakest act on the night!

Let’s try and remember this for the next series of X Factor!