Being a big fan of BB and a generally quite nosey person, I was really looking forward to getting this extra bit of BB footage, but it was actually a pretty pants programme and I was quite disappointed that I turned over from Sky Arts’ evening of Johnny Cash documentaries to watch it.

Lee kern hosted the hour long Channel 4 look at what the BB9 housemates have been getting up to since they left the famed compound and frankly, other than Lee’s very funny one liners and oddly monotonous-amusing voice, it was deathly dull.

Mario’s post-house experience was the subject of the first segment of the show which saw him doing his first photo shoot for the Daily Star. He was greased up like a hog at a roast and the less said about that the better. The shoot ended with Mario signing up with Neon, a ‘talent’ agency and actually, the only talent agency who actually wanted to take on the Widnes Wazack. Their rep told Lee that they saw a great future for Mario doing corporate presentations about health and safety. We’ll all be on the edge of our seats waiting for the premiere of that then.

Lee then ran viewers through Mario’s TV career to date which included numerous appearances on game shows of all kinds and of course, the infamous appearance on Ant & Dec when Mario was set-up in a hidden cam type joke during which people kept mistaking him for Joey from Friends. Yes, hugely amusing stuff… Oh wait, no it wasn’t.

Moving on and Lee next introduced Jen’s BB story then followed her progress from doing topless and mostly naked photo shoots to spending a weekend in Marbella with Dale who was there posing for a calendar. Lee asked her why she objected so strongly in the house to wearing a bunny outfit for the ‘pleasure’ of the male housemates but was quite happy to bare all on the outside. She began trying to justify her actions but was forced to agree that in fact, she did it for the money. Shocker. Who’da thunked.

So onto Dunno Like Dale, who Lee described as “BB’s teenage fantasy”. C4 cameras followed Dale for a week after he was evicted and Lee accompanied him to his first ever personal appearance at the Mercy club in Norwich. Not so much the ‘bright lights’ as the relatively well lit B road of celebrity autograph signing but nonetheless, Dale seemed to enjoy himself. One of the funniest moments came when some of his ‘fans’ kept calling him Dave.

Anyway, Jen and Dale, with Lee in tow, then jetted off to the aforementioned Marbella for the calendar assignment. One photo session took place in the home of Gary Lineker’s brother – oooooooooo – which was apparently a pic of Dale’s bum. Thrilling stuff.

Later, on the boat that was taking the trio around Marbella, Lee asked Jen if she thought Dale had changed since he left the house and she replied that she thought he’d become big headed and over confident. Become?? When was he not? However, Dale fired back across the bows of her insult by saying that she hadn’t changed at all; she was cold in the house and she still is. Miaow.

The next Z lister to be interviewed by Lee was Belinda who made an extremely embarrassing attempt to perform some sort of rap in Covent Garden. It was every bit as horrific as any and all of her other attempts at ‘singing’ that occurred while she was in the BB house. Lee asked her if she’d been at all upset by the fact that no agencies wanted to represent her and that she’d achieved zero fame. She replied that in a way, this was a good thing because she could continue being ‘herself’. She did indeed continue being herself, all over Covent Garden, causing people to studiously hurry past while avoiding eye contact with her lest she corner them.

Lee then took us on a guided tour of Bex’s first few days out of the house which, unsurprisingly, consisted of a great deal of nearly naked, breast filled photo shoots. A very funny few minutes occurred when Lee, in the same hotel room as Bex and Luke’s sister, was trying to talk all the way through the BB episode in which Luke was evicted.

As the tension mounted, Lee asked if anyone wanted a McDonalds or a KFC. Neither did it seems because the next thing we saw was Luke being evicted. Lee sadly proclaimed that, ‘He was taken from us too soon, the good ones always are.’ His humour was lost on Bex and Luke’s sister however and they did in fact look as if they were in mourning.

So Lee then moved on to following Luke around for a few days and we watched as he posed in his boxers for the Sunday Star and generally did a lot of the things that he swore he’d never do. He did at least admit he was doing it for the cash so that’s fair enough but he denied that his relationship with Bex was only going to last as long as the offers of money did. We’ll see. Given that their coupling is about as likely as Maggie Thatcher and Jack Duckworth, I personally wouldn’t expect to see mini Lube’s running round any time soon. That’s a Luke-Bex thing in case you were wondering, like Jenadale. I’ll stop now.

We then saw the footage of Luke and Bex’s photo shoot in Las Vegas where they simulated a marriage in a chapel of love, complete with Elvis impersonator. It was quite funny when Bex carried Luke down the aisle though.

The remaining housemates – some of whom didn’t feature at all – didn’t appear for more than a few seconds on the show. Steph was shown recording a song called More Precious Than Gold, which was presumably all about what her hair extensions mean to her and Lisa was filmed dressed as some kind of reverse drag act in a meringue like pink fairy outfit. She told Lee that angels are her spirit guides and she talks to them all the time. Lee asked how they all were and Lisa assured him they were fine.

Nuttier than squirrel poo Lisa seemed to have been submerged in a vat of fake tan upon her release from the house which was quite astounding given how orange she was while in the house. You wouldn’t have thought she could get more tango’d, but you’d have been wrong.

Kat, Lee explained, was impossible to interview and described her as, “a big jumping ball of incoherence.” He’s right of course, she is, so he swiftly moved on to a three second segment with Nicole. Lee asked her if she went into the house solely to make her boyfriend’s life a misery but unfortunately, we didn’t get to hear her reply.

Finally, Lee talked to Rachel just long enough to ask her the question that we’ve all been dying to know the answer to; why did she win given she did nothing of note at all? Rachel replied that she was aware she’d been uber dull and had ‘sat on the fence’ – cue invites to do corny creosote ads is my guess – and that was pretty much the end of that.

I was disappointed that we didn’t get to see footage of the wrap party and all in all, I have to say that if it hadn’t been for Lee Kern’s humour, this programme would have been as interesting as watching wood warp but somehow, he just about managed to salvage a relatively watchable hour out of the ashes of exceptionally dull post-show footage.