E4 Princess Nikki: High on a Hill
It seems as if the producers have finally heeded our prayers, and this week’s episode was a mostly faeces free experience.
I would have loved to have done the Nikki Challenge this time round as she was whisked off to the beautiful Lake District, and indoctrinated as a member of the Patterdale Mountain Rescue Team. Nikki seemed to spend most of her time either tantruming with a tortured expression on her face, or with a manic gleefulness: I’m not quite sure which was the scarier!
First up - how to get in a boat, Nikki Style. Scream. Shout. Wail. Moan. Beg to be carried. How to get out of a boat, Nikki Style. Scream. Shout. Wail. Moan. Beg to be carried. If it hadn’t been for the moments of enjoyment whilst she was actually in the boat, when she stopped screaming, shouting, wailing and moaning, I think she would have been dumped wholesale into the depths of the lake. However, the Rescue Team would brook no patheticness, and Nikki was manhandled, cajoled and dragged up the mountain. ‘I need rescuing now’ she whinged - no, its this show that needs to be rescued.
When she forgot about herself, she did quite a good job. Reassuring the unfortunate Anna with her simulated broken leg, and even setting off carrying the stretcher, Nikki threw herself into it with what was almost a smile. It didn’t last long though, and soon she was kicking off once more. Thankfully no one was actually depending on her to give a rapid response, as the only rapid response she can manage is to throw a hissy fit.
Onto abseiling. With abseiling, its the thought of it which is much scarier than the actual deed. Standing at the top of what feels like a mile high precipice, it is frightening, but, as Nikki found after several screamingly terrifying tantrums, once you’re making your way down the cliff face it’s great fun. ‘I might consider this as my career’ she decided. The rescue team looked like they might have a tantrum of their own at the thought.
Nikki’s love affair with the Great Outdoors was not to last into her second day in the countryside. To be fair, the ’survival instructor’ came across like a complete numpty, and I’d have probably shoved the dead and rotting mouse up his behind if he’d tried that with me. Nikki finally managed to start a fire, and bouyed up with great enthusiasm for the whole event (ok, I’m lying) dug a couple of spadefuls of earth out of her latrine. ‘Whats a latrine?’ she enquired. On being told, she declared ‘I’d rather die…’ ‘That sounds good’ responded Chris the Survivalist.
This led to a discussion on the finer arts of bumwiping. Nikki seemed a tad bewildered by the thought of using a dockleaf. I guess she had thoughts of dockleaves when she turned down the lovingly brewed cup of ‘mint’ tea.
Finally, we had a Nikki Lesson on how to Catch a Fish. Stand with a stick in your hand, gazing for inspiration at the sky. Think about the fish miraculously leaping onto the pointy end all by itself. ‘I’m so braindead’ she moaned.
Quite.
This article was written by Lynne Goulden, one of our contributors at Unreality TV. Check out Lynne’s own X Factor journal here.
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October 6th, 2006 at 11:57 pm
She’s great! Although, I must admit, that she’s not really the country-girl type - is she? A nasty evil part of me was actually hoping that the producers of Princess Nikki would make her sleep in a tent for the night up in the Lake District. I would love to see her reaction to that . . . :o)
October 7th, 2006 at 4:53 am
As you have guessed by now, I am very much a Nikki fan and thought her great in this last outdoor episode. She seems to be enjoying it more in spite of the tantrums…but that ugly language, come on Nikki…
The Brat Camp Show before Princess Nikki, gave me a great idea. Why not get Nikki to work there and put up with the tantrums of others…could be the curing of Nikki. We still love you Nikki and you have many wonderful facets to your personality and you are the most entertaining person on TV at the moment. A credit to your agent and all connected to the production of Princess Nikki.
October 7th, 2006 at 10:08 am
I was too bored to watch the second half of Princess Nikki. It sounds slightly more amusing than the first half. Only slightly mind. As Nikki swore, contorted and threw multi-tantrums I couldnt help but wonder - Does she make her mother proud?
October 7th, 2006 at 12:23 pm
i think she is pathetic and irratating , she is not doing herself any favours , when tv has had enough of her , you can garranty nobody will employ her , she has proved what a useless incapable person she is , and then she will wonder why nobody wants to know , does she not realise that the tv producers are doing it deliberatly to make a fool and an idiot of her and she is giving them what they want , until there is no more jobs to do she will just be another has-been , but she will find it harder than others in the past , nobody will employ her and her tv fame is not gonna last forever ,
October 7th, 2006 at 12:39 pm
Bring back maureen from driving school all is forgiven.
October 7th, 2006 at 2:06 pm
nikki is great i hope nikki as her own show again but to interview people would suite nikki better as she got good appearance and alway’s look’s lovely.so give nikki her own talk show i think she would be great as she know’s our to talk something like this morning. so come on nikki let’s see you on itv.
October 7th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Hahah @ Nikki interviewing people, now THAT would be worth watching. I wonder how many minutes she would last before someone lumped her? Nikki hasnt got a gracious and/or polite bone in her body, she couldnt possibly have her own show with guests etc. Perhaps she will tahe over Jeremy Kyle and we can watch her dish out unbias, honest, down to earth advice? Personally I think she’d do better going home now. And staying there. Under the bed covers. Bye bye Nikki.
October 7th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Trueways Survival School Instructor ‘Grizzly’ Chris Caine’s blog for Princess Nikki. Seems Grizzly got on well with Nikki and she’s a thoroughly nice person. I agree the girl’s got class.
The crew asked me [Grizzly] what I thought of her [Nikki] for the film and I explained that although I was certain that she wouldn’t cope out in the wilds on her own yet, she was a thoroughly nice person in reality and I hope she does very well for herself. I had a great day with Nikki and if she wanted to do it again any time without the cameras, she knows where to find us and she’d be most welcome. She didn’t sound too interested at the end of the show, but as everyone who knows what the show is about will realise, it’s all about how these things need to look. She said she actually enjoyed it really. I guess the outdoors isn’t everyone’s cup of tea though.
October 23rd, 2006 at 2:27 pm
nikki would do avery good job with interviewing people on her own show that girl is class. nikki is a tv star through and through so people just give nikki a break. vote nikki at the nta in november
October 24th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
Was the mountain rescue Nikki’s last show? Miss seeing her on Wednesdays so much. What is wrong with the producers that they have not signed her up for further episodes. She is such a star.
October 24th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
I agree wiht no. 1 fan of Nikki. She would also be good with a show where people phone in for advice with their problems..should be hilarious.