Warning: This post contains what I like to call ‘sarcasm’. When I’m being sarcastic, I’ll put the sarcastic word in ‘speech marks’. You have been warned.

Nikki Grahame started out on her quest for employment this evening in the first episode of Princess Nikki. The point of the show seems to be to put the sour-faced troll in a variety of extreme or unpleasant situations.

First off, she spends the day ‘assisting’ on a fishing boat, where she gets some quality career advice: “get your kit on Nikki” the fisherdude sagely advises. Alright, he was talking about putting on her waterproof gear, but still, if I was wardrobe department on Princess Nikki, I’d keep her covered up.

The ‘hilarity’ continues as the Daughter of Satan abuses a hotel owner about the quality of the facilities, eventually claiming she could run a better hotel than him. I’m sorry, but that’s just pure nastiness in my opinion. But, like the terminator of her own career, Nikki soldiers on blissfully unaware that she’s digging a huge hole for herself to disappear into. She calls in the producer and issues a load of random threats.

“You’re going to shoot yourself in the foot, I’m going home. I don’t give a fuck about the show.”

“Ooooh! Classic Nikki!”, chuckle Nikki’s last two remaining fans from the isolation wing, “She’s such a diva!”

Message to Nikki: It ain’t cute. It never was. We’re tired of your spoilt ickle girlie routine, and your fake tantrums and your namedropping Pete (Bennett or Doherty? I’m not sure.)

When the Big Brother buzz dies down, you’ll find yourself in Chummby’s Chippy again and this time there won’t be a camera crew in tow. Better brush up on those fish frying skills now…