I think I’m catching Tourette’s off the telly.

You see, every time I see Nikki Grahame on Big Brother, I have an uncontrollable urge to shout “Wanker” at the TV screen. And then I do.

And I don’t feel guilty about it because she’s got no integrity. Now, you rarely see the word ‘integrity’ next to the name of a Big Brother contestant, do you? And lil’ Nikki is no different. She went out of the house, found out what her fans liked and then returned to the house with her personality amped up to 11.

Oh, and now she’s loved up on Pete. Nothing to do with the fact that she was outside the house and discovered that Pete was the most popular person in there. Am I the only person who thinks she’s totally taking advantage of Pete?

It’s not just me she’s pissing off – check out Grace Dent’s blog on Radio Times – she’s not a Nikki fan either by the looks of things!

Big Brother stages a “Big Brother Musical”, which gives everyone the chance to insult each other a bit more. It also gives Nikki the chance to throw another one of her tantrums. I really could write more here about the far-reaching social significance of Endemol glorifying Nikki’s behaviour as something that school children can respect and aspire to.

I could even argue forcefully that feeding kids Nikki is more harmful in the long run than feeding them bad “don’t f*** with me” hip-hop. But after watching the footage of Nikki’s tantrum through again, I have decided not to write about her at all. Personally, I believe ignoring children’s tantrums is the best way to break the power-play cycle. If we all turn away and pretend she’s invisible, she might just bloody grow up.

Wanker!