It’s been a helluva night folks, hasn’t it? I’ve just come back to my hotel room from the Celebrity Big Brother final and press conference.

Let me say first, that the highlight of the entire night was Jack Whitehall on Big Brother’s Big Mouth. Okay, as one journalist next to me remarked, he was swearing much more than usual, probably on account of the final night adrenaline. But that whirlwind performance and minor bitchfight between Tina Malone and Michelle Heaton was priceless. (I heard later on that Michelle broke down in tears during the commercial break and none of her housemates comforted her – a member of the audience did instead.)

Anyway, as you might have guessed, Ulrika Jonsson’s win tonight has caused many a tabloid editor to tear up the front pages declaring Verne Troyer the winner. But more than that, her downright refusal to answer questions about her private life meant that there were no juicy details to include in tomorrow’s papers. In fact, when it came to speculation on her fee, she started to become downright hostile – finally claiming that the press wouldn’t be asking a man that question.

I remember one journalist asked whether being apart from your kids for a few weeks was worth all the fretting and crying she did. Ulrika – quite rightly – rounded on the young lady and asked her if she had any kids, concluding that if she’d had kids she would not have asked that question and would have understood how hard it was. Score 1 to Jonsson.

It surprising that anyone got a word in edgeways, because a belligerent Coolio dominated any question that was asked, to the obvious annoyance of the other housemates (Terry, Ulrika, Verne, Coolio and Ben were all present). Coolio’s a funny guy, but I’m guessing that most people were wishing someone had switched off his microphone about halfway through the interview.

I’m glad I’m a blogger though, and not a tabloid journalist. Verne’s shock exit (fourth place? wtf?) totally threw everybody. Then when Coolio went out, everybody was shocked. Mostly at how Ulrika – who I’ll admit I thought was some kind of national pariah – had managed to stay in right to the end. I’m still baffled as to how she got that groundswell of support.

Lisa mentioned in her liveblog post that she was looking out for me in the crowd. I was a little surprised to discover that the press – like you at home – got to watch the show on TV in a little cafe-type building on the studio. Yes – despite the fact that Davina was rocking the stage not five minutes from where we sat, we were watching it on telly. Bizarre beyond belief.

But better yet, during Terry Christian’s interview, the television set was drowned out to the sound of fireworks. It was only then that I was aware of the 10-15 minute gap between recording and broadcasting that they use to cut out expletives. Basically, while you were watching Terry’s interview, Ulrika was in the process of coming out of the house. How weird is that?

On The Finalists

Here’s a little bit of my impressions of the final five housemates from what I experienced of them at the press conference:

On Terry Christian: Terry was exactly like you saw on TV. Down to earth, funny, the type of guy you’d like to go out for a pint with. Seems like a really decent bloke. As a settled family man, there was no scandal, and the press were left scratching their heads for questions to ask him – apart from the obvious ‘bring back The Word’ ones.

On Ben Adams: I’m inclined not to call being quiet or slightly dull a personality deficiency like most people. Ben seems to be a nice guy, he’s just not quick with the one-liners, especially in a house with characters like Coolio and Terry and Verne.

On Verne Troyer: Verne’s an interesting character. I suspect he’s spent much of his life being patronized, but still manages to take it with such good grace. He’s a shy enough fella, but has no problem standing up for himself – he took Coolio to task for answering a journalist’s question on his behalf.

On Coolio: No joke – you could literally hear Coolio before you could see him. It was how we knew the celebs had re-entered the Big Mouth studio for the press conference. He didn’t shut up during the entire session and was funny for about 35% of it. Much as the world will always be indebted to him for Gangsta’s Paradise, he’s surprisingly annoying – I wouldn’t want to be cooped up in a house with him for a month.

On Ulrika Jonsson: I want to give Ulrika the benefit of the doubt – she’s been burned by the press on many occasions, and her attitude toward the journalists was sharp and seemed unfriendly. If you saw her on Big Mouth you’ll know what I mean. It was like she’d done her job and now wanted to go home. But on the other hand, she may have been uncomfortable being the center of attention.

Either way, as the winner of the show, she didn’t give the journalists much to work with – to be fair, the lines of questioning were either about her family or private life or about her fee. But what else do you ask Ulrika?

I’m going to bed now…

…so I’m going to sum things up. In what was largely a fairly calm household, there were very few axes to grind. And the five celebs left at the end were seasoned enough to know not to give a scandal away for free. Let’s see what comes out when the megabucks rounds of interviews and magazine deals are done.

Anyway, having seen some of the highlights on the show this evening, the 2009 celebrity housemates did a damned entertaining job, didn’t they? I don’t need to read about them hating each other in the papers.

Congratulations to Big Brother though, for managing to bounce back so well. I think this series has proved that there may well be life in the old dog yet, and that it might still be too early to write the all-seeing eye off!

My one parting comment to you though – isn’t it funny how this year was so entertaining, yet there wasn’t one mention of ‘evil’ Big Brother? Maybe it’s time to retire that tactic…