Let me get the negative points I have out of the way quickly before I go into what I think was possibly the greatest Big Brother launch show of ALL TIME. I know for a fact that if Vernon Kay was going into this series of Celebrity Big Brother, he would be met with a tirade of cheers, but because Rhian Sugden is a female and a page three model, she’s greeted with some of the biggest boos of the night. It’s annoying. Please stop being so hypocritical British public. Get it? Got it? Good.

Anyway, with the likes of Cheryl Fergison, Julie Goodyear and the legendary Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino entering this year’s Celebrity Big Brother compound, we are surely set for a brilliant few weeks of entertainment, with tonight being no exception.

Being the first two housemates to enter the house, Cheryl and Julie were set a secret task by Big Brother to do whatever Big Brother tells them to do via a tiny earpiece they concealed under their hair! Yes, we’ve seen this twist before, but it’s a good one! Basically, they have to turn the Big Brother house into their very own soap opera, and what a brilliant job they did of it…

Cheryl’s first move was to tell housemate number three, Mike Sorrentino that Julie had in the past had an affair with a partner of her own, which was met by the famous bulging of eyes we’ve seen so many times on Jersey Shore.

As more housemates entered the house including biting comedian Julian Clary, model Rhian Sugden (who had to be warned about the ways of men by Julie) and MC Harvey of So Solid Crew fame, the fabricated story of Julie’s affair was brought once again to the forefront when Cheryl had to take Harvey aside and cry on his shoulder about the whole ordeal! The fake tears rolled, and Harvey looked like a deer caught in the headlights! Golden television, but the best was yet to come.

Next up, controversial journalist Samantha Brick, Prince Lorenzo (who?), Danica from Sex, Lies and Rinsing Guys ‘fame’, and Team GB’s very own Ashley McKenzie. All seems quiet on the task front, but not for long. Thankfully, Situation finally seems capable of slotting into the group and making conversation; I was getting worried about him!

The final three celebs are Loose Women’s Coleen Nolan, model Jasmine Lennard and golden Martin Kemp, and this is where things really got exciting! Big Brother instructed both Julie and Cheryl to stage a blazing row which must end in Julie throwing a drink over Cheryl, and boy did they deliver! The faux argument started softly, without anyone paying much interest, but resulted in screeching and juice all over Cheryl’s face! It was amazing, brilliant and the best thing I may have EVER seen on television!

Big Brother, you have truly outdone yourself. Make sure to tune in to live nominations this Friday, and the first eviction of the series next Wednesday! Strap yourselves in, viewers. This one’s going to be a bumpy ride!

This article was written by our newest guest blogger Daniel Falconer. Catch up with him on Twitter @Danarazzi…he’s a funny guy!