Today is Day 2 for our new batch of celeb housemates, and having stayed up late last night enjoying the party Big Brother laid on as a reward for Julie and Cheryl having passed their secret task, the glamorous facades of last night had slipped somewhat…

Gone was the impeccable make-up and pristine coiffures, replaced by bed hair and panda eyes, and that was just Julian.

Apropos of whom, Corrie leg end Julie Goodyear was quick to berate him this morning when she saw him tucking into a breakfast of biscuits.

While she enjoyed her own Blackpool brekkie of a fag and a coffee, she told him, “That’s not a proper breakfast…”

However she need not have feared because soon after, Julian made himself an egg white omelette. Grim.

Meanwhile, the other celeb housemates were sharing the details of their apparently somewhat lurid dreams, with Martin telling Cheryl, “I dreamt I was in the Big Brother House.”

Yeah ok, not very lurid, but Rhian’s may well have been, because she told Harvey, “I dreamt you got into my bed.”

Well, some might say “Who hasn’t?” but I am of course not that bitchy.

To Rhian’s confession, Harvey replied, “Me and Jasmine only went to sleep about two hours ago. We had some deep Jeremy Kyle chat.”

Jasmine added, “We thought we would end up sleeping in the garden. I don’t feel like I’ve slept.”

While that was going on, Samantha – who as you can see can fold herself away to become a travel sized Brick – was inspecting the bathroom, and declaring to Julie and Lorenzo, “It’s purely average. It’s what we were expecting though.”

And when Samantha added that she was going to take a shower, Cheryl supplied, “I already had a shower in my swimsuit.

“I don’t want anyone seeing my crunch.”

O Christ. Let me assure you Cheryl, nobody, but nobody wants to see your crunch. Ever.

More news later when I’ve stopped heaving…