What a heavy Wednesday it’s been readers. But there’s still one thing to look forward to before going up and hiding underneath the quilt…yep, it’s our daily fix of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!

I mentioned this waaaay back when I started liveblogging I’m A Celebrity, but it’s actually the first series of the show I’ve watched. I’ve never really understood the appeal…until now. Early on, I was appalled that Katie Price was signed up, but a little nudging from the public got rid of her soon enough. Since then, there doesn’t appear to have been any editorial agenda on the part of the production – just some gross tasks and the thrill of watching a diverse bunch of celebrities bonding and finding common ground.

Anyway, if I thought I was having a bad day, it looks like things in Australia are in turmoil as the celebrities are…yes, revolting. Here we go with the liveblogging fun!

Snake in the grass

We begin the show by seeing that snake infiltration that forced the eviction to be moved out of the camp last night. Within moments of Stuart noticing the snake, two camoflage-clad soldier types burst into the camp and start turning things over. We have a laugh at the minor overreaction behind the whole thing.

Next, we see Sabrina leaving the camp, and Stuart gets some screen time to say how much he’ll (platonically) miss her in a platonic way. Definitely no romantic intentions there. Well, unless you read it in Heat next week.

Gino and Justin’s Supermarket Sweep

The Italian stallion and er…Justin are nominated for the Bushtucker Trial tonight. It’s a supermarket-style task called ‘Off Your Trolley’. Great task naming, ITV. You’ll get a BAFTA for that, no doubt.

Basically, Justin has to push Gino around like an oversized baby in a shopping trolley. Then, they have to get the items mentioned in the shop tannoy and extract the stars from them. However, the items are well and truly past their sell-by dates…

They start with strawberries and yogurt, but fail to get the star. Gino is annoyed that Ant & Dec “forgot to mention the cock-a-roaches”. They get the next star after searching through eels and worms. Justin describes the task as “Satan’s own shopping trolley”. They fail the next task – cornflakes and gherkins.

Anyone else feel itchy just watching this? The next task is cat food and something else, and they win a star. Poor Gino, something is a-nipping his a-willy!  They end the task with three stars though. Gino seems happy to have secured enough for a decent meal, but he’s afflicted with spasms as the bugs munch on his nether regions.

They finish off the task with a bathe in the pool, and ask their good friend Stuart to sniff them. Which he does without hesitation. Our hero…

Home videos

The celebrities are given a camera for fun and pleasure. And you know what happens when celebs get their hands on a video camera – David Hasslehoff, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson can testify to that.

Skipping the task – we’re waiting for the craziness when Kim and Co have their epic meltdown.

And here it comes…as the celebs try to answer the Celebrity Chest question. Brilliant that Gino and Stuart have resorted to trying to write on a piece of wood! And they even get the question right for once! And here’s what sparks off the mutiny – they win cream tea, but only three portions. They send Gin0 back to the Bush Telegraph to return the scones with an ultimatum that they’ll take off their microphones. He dispatches his message and storms off.

If their reasonable demands aren’t met within 10 minutes, the celebs will go on strike. Jimmy helpfully asks “Can you imagine them giving that to the Queen?” Immediately, Kim and Justin storm the Telegraph to issue their own demands. The clearly-amused production assistant laughs at them and tells them that “you’re not in a restaurant”. Do I need to tell you that this doesn’t go down well with Kim?

Hilariously, she accuses the producers of making monkeys of them. Yes, they can endure all manner of embarrassments, sitting in trollies of dead fish or being dunked in all manner of crap. But take away their scones and you take away their dignity! In the end, with only a couple of days to go, the producers cave in and give them scones. This, naturally, improves morale no end.

Weigh-in

Full of scone and temporarily happy, the celebrities weigh themselves. Kim asks a question which causes existential angst in Gino – if you lose weight, does your willy get smaller? He rushes off to the bush bathroom to check his length (and possibly his girth) while Justin explains to the virginal Kim that man-parts don’t tend to carry much weight.

Justin’s solo task

Justin gets called to the bush telegraph to do an overnight task in the jungle jail. If he tells anyone what his task is, he’ll forfeit the prize he and the contestants have been promised. However, for someone who’s sworn to secrecy, Justin talks an awful lot about NOT being able to talk about it.

His cage is within earshot of the camp, and he even gets dinner. But when he puts his head down to go to sleep, the cage is inflitrated with cock-a-roaches. He spends the remainder of the evening thumping bugs… Even on the infrared camera, you can see the insects crawling over his clothes. And if you’ve been watching for the past three weeks, you’ll know how freaky Justin can be about bugs…well, he is every bit as freaky except he’s completely silent at the same time!

Elimination

No messing around – it might be Jimmy. It’s not Kim or Justin or Gino. It might be Stuart. But they hold us on until after the break…

…and after the break, they announce that Stuart is out, following hot on the heels of Sabrina, his potential Jungle Girlfriend. Enjoy the hairy man’s montage of best bits. Personally, I thought Stuart was a righteous dude and a truly nice guy. He comes out of the camp full of exuberance and gasping for a glass of that champaigne!

Dec brings up the subject of Sabrina, but takes a different interview tactic “You and Sabrina did a few tasks together…you worked well together…” etc. And Stuart is every bit as coy as Sabrina was during her interview – shit, he even trots out the “I’m going to speak to everyone when they come out” line that she used in her interview.

But moving on swiftly, they go on to the ‘bromance’ between Gino and Stuart. He cheekily admits that he’s in love with Gino and wants him to win, and when Gino comes out he’ll propose to him. A sense of humour and a monobrow? Form an orderly queue ladies!