Blue for Eurovision 2011: Whose decision?
Alas. Alack. Eheu. Woe. Etc. These are just a few of the cries wailed by any Brit who has found the moral fortitude to sit through any Eurovision song contest over the past thirteen years. Two or three songs aside, we really have been unrelentingly crap. ‘My Lovely Horse’ would have had a better shot than Scooch or Daz Sampson and we knew it! We knew, we just didn’t give a damn! Year after year we insisted on voting for terrifying novelty acts or power ballads so overwrought that even Miss Dion would have found them in bad taste. Call it political if you want, but even if you could bring all the Iraq war dead back to life, I would still think Gemini were terrible.
And Lo! It came to pass that the BBC Board of Directors became displeased with us. Clearly we weren’t picking the right acts, the right mixture of camp and contemporary that was the winning formula. Or maybe we just weren’t part of the Balkans. One of those at any rate. So power was snatched from the people and placed in the hands of the Lords. Well, a Lord. Well Lord Lloyd-Webber. Seriously, this is exactly how the civil war happened*. We could no longer pick the song, our message of hope for Europe (and for some reason Israel), but only the vehicle to deliver it. Essentially this is like not being able to vote for an MP but getting to pick who your minister for Culture is. By this logic we should be sending Jeremy Hunt to sing in Dusseldorf but all BBC commentators are terrified to say his name.
Now we are no longer deemed good enough to pick even the singer, let alone the song. All Rise (ba-dum-cha) for Blue. Yep, gyrating, diet-Urban, Stevie Wonder molesting, leather jacket enthusiast, high-pitch wailing poptwerps Blue. Who I think now count as a Manboyband. The idea is that because Blue were successful in Europe that this will mean we get more votes. Blue’s song is called ‘I Can’. I’m not trying to act as some prophet of doom but it will almost certainly be terrible.
So, as with pop as in the body politick, when the proles don’t know what’s good for them anymore power is removed from the people, given to the Lords and then ultimately the bastards in Blue decide what’s best for all of us and cut programmes we would all have quite liked to keep.
But honestly, who gives a shit? It’s only Eurovision.
*Disclaimer: this is absolutely not how the British Civil War, or in fact any other civil war has happened. Although I would gladly hand all administrative power to Sheila Hancock. She just knows what’s best.
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY OUR NEW GUEST BLOGGER ALEX.
Alex Wright is 23 and a Masters Student in Manchester. He is far less intelligent than he thinks he is and pretends to watch reality TV in an ‘ironic’ way but loves it really. He is also horrible about TV on twitter @ShinyAlex and at Popcultdeath.blogspot.com
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It’s exactly this kind of negative reporting (sorry Alex!) that ensures that no ‘credible’ act will go near Eurovision in the UK. Countries have made wholly internal selections many times in the past, often with great success, and in many ways it is surprising that this will be the first time in 56 years that the BBC have taken this option.
As for Eurovision being a ‘ridiculous’ competition, have you actually watched it in the past decade? The failure of the UK has been largely due to the toxic combination of a laissez-faire attitude from the BBC and lazy reporting on the contest, both of which have implanted into the mind of the general public the idea that Eurovision hasn’t moved on musically. In many countries the contest is very much in the mainstream and attracts the biggest local popstars; Dima Bilan, Lordi, Patricia Kaas are just a few of the stars who have graced the Eurovision stage over the past ten years. Why? Possibly because they appreciate Eurovision for what it is and don’t have to deal with their country’s media campaigns of ridicule based on lazy generalisations.
Due to the UK’s constant mockery directed towards Eurovision, it’s virtually impossible for the BBC to persuade big name acts to compete in a UK selection show fearing they would lose against a ‘bigger’ name.
The other option would be to go down the amateur route, but Eurovision has changed beyond all recognition since 2000. It is massive, stadium-size event which requires not inconsiderable stage presence in order to come across effectively. Giving a relatively successful artist, like Blue, some control over their participation goes some way to persuading them to take the risk of competing, and this is the route the BBC decided to go down this year.
If it doesn’t work, then expect something different next year. Personally, I preferred the chance to choose a song for Blue from a small selection, but I’m happy to take the risk and see how it works out this year.
I agree completely. I have a friend who represented Yugoslavia in 1991 (when it was a Communist nation) and even they offered the public a voice in their selection. I have personally complained and asked that the British people be given a YEA / NAY phone vote after listening to the song. If Britain says NAY, then we withdraw from Eurovision 2011 (but still promise to broadcast)
You know that Celine Dion won Eurovision in the 80s don’t you?!
That’s the point. This douche is comparing us to a winner. And he hasn’t heard the song yet. I think this article should have been held off until the grand unveiling, then we could make our decision and this column mightn’t be so negative (though it might be if the song’s crap). He’s trying to get people to keep hating Eurovision, which I hate. I wish people would realise that it’s their own fault that we’re rubbish, like 2008, Michelle Gayle should have represented us but, somehow, Andy Abraham beat her and we blamed other countries. And in 2010, Josh got 4 points from Ireland (naturally) and the other six from Eastern countries (Azerbaijan, Georgia, Albania) so Bloc voting had nothing to do with it, we were just rubbish. Hopefully Blue can dig us out of the bottom and into the Top 10 or even number 1! Good luck, Blue.
Agree wholeheartedly that column inches referring to the Eurovision are filled rather lazily, with certain expressions such as “annual farce, bloc voting, Europe hates us, yodelling camp cheesefest, boom or bang” cropping up all too frequently. It does beg the question as to whether or not the journalists penning such pieces have actually watched the contest since the 1970s, when silly dance routines and irritating choruses were de rigeur. The entries now are mostly of a decent quality, though sadly not the UK, who still regard the contest as a joke. Let’s hope this year’s entry bucks the trend and has some fizz!
Why is it that whilst every other nation enters their chart toppers, we seem to always enter amateurs? And WHY hire Lloyd Webber!? I want Girls Aloud or Leona. :/
Have you actually heard their song “I Can”. Blue can actually sing and this song is really good. I love it, and if the voters vote fairly I think it has a very good chance of winning. Please don’t write off our entry like this.
Я очень рада за мою любимую группу! я люблю вас, парни!)))