I’m not ashamed to say that one of my childhood rock heroes was Bret Michaels from Poison. As a matter of fact, I still listen to their earlier albums today. So Rock Of Love could either be a blessing or a curse, right?

What’s Rock Of Love?

Rock Of Love is a reality TV come dating show that revolves around Bret Michaels. Twenty women compete for the chance to ‘win’ true love with the bandana-wearing rocker.

All the reality TV elements apply. Bret puts the girls through a rigorous series of tests, all scientifically designed to tell him which girl will be right for him. Yes, your ability to pole dance and strip will tell Bret everything he needs to know about how compatible you both are.

And of course, with an ambitious group of rock chicks battling it out for Bret’s *ahem* ‘heart’, it isn’t long before the rivalry between girls boils over into open hostility.

The ‘babes’ aren’t exactly babes though…

One of the funniest moments of the episode I watched the other night was one of the girls - who’d had so much plastic surgery her own mother wouldn’t recognise her - earnestly telling the camera that beauty was only skin deep. That’s where reality TV offers the big laughs: people who can trot out cliched rubbish like this without realising how hypocritical they sound.

The worst thing about the girl in question was how awful she looked. Imagine paying thousands of pounds for plastic surgery only to end up looking like you’ve been made up using Dr Frankenstein’s throwaway parts.

And looking around the group, most of them aren’t lookers. And I know you’re thinking “but Gerard, how can you be so superficial?” And I’ll tell you that I’m watching a so-called rock star looking for love on a music channel. Rock stars are supposed to be sexy and attract sexy people. That’s the law, my friend.

OK, so Bret looks like he’s been botoxed within an inch of his life these days. Maybe he can’t afford to be choosy? I don’t know. But seriously, when a rock star can’t attract reasonably good looking women, what hope is there for the rest of us?

But it’s car crash stuff, right?

Yes sir, it is. There’s a ‘germophobic’ contestant who won’t kiss Bret because he’s been kissing all the other girls (yet she’ll stay in the competition for her chance at true love with him).

Then two of the girls are sitting on a couch waiting for Bret. They decide to make small talk: “I like horses,” one declares. “Horses are so pretty,” agrees the other.

Bret himself appears to be a little less than interested in the mix of slightly aged rock hags and silicone-enhanced airheads. And he loses cool points for overusing the word “rock”, too.

Rock Of Love promises to be a train wreck but a televisual treat at the same time. Just like the awful-but-awesome Ladette To Lady, Rock Of Love has the right blend of preposterous premise, nasty contestants and a rock ringmaster keeping the whole thing afloat.