Alarm bells should start ringing when a 29 year old woman releases her THIRD autobiography in four years. That’s right. Jordan aka Katie Price aka Jordan again has so much going on in her life that we now need a sequel every two years to catch up on it all.

Or maybe it’s a convenient way to make money off the British public? No, don’t be so cynical, Gerard.

After all, look at all the experiences Jordan/Katie/Jordan has had in recent years - marriage, having children, stuff like that. We normal people just don’t have these kind of experiences, do we?

Mind you, did you read about her sensational post-natal drugs binge? Wow. Funny how that didn’t come out in the papers at the time. You know the way they’d plaster anything Jordan-related across the front page? How some ‘friend’, ‘family member’ or her ‘postman’ will always have a comment to make?

Are you seriously telling me Jordan-Katie-Price-Jordan managed to keep something secret from the press since 2005, only to conveniently blurt it out during the release of her new book? From what I’ve read, no-one even knows what mystery drug she took - describing it as an ‘unknown substance’. Imaginary substance more like.

Dearest Katie, didn’t you spout on about how marriage to Peter settled you down?

You gave up your wildchild ways because he was so disapproving of you when you were drunk. And like the fairytale romance it was, you valued your marriage above everything else and sacrificed drunken paparazzi crotch shots for marital bliss (and husband and wife TV contracts)? That’s right, I actually read your previous contrived biography.

And now, because boring wedded bliss doesn’t shift units, you needed to create something scandalous to sell your new book titled Jordan: Pushed to the Limit. What better than “my post-natal drug orgy brought my marriage to the brink of collapse” and “oh, how I regret that shameful night, boo hoo hoo”.

I love this Jeckyll and Hyde act that you pull when you’re trying to sell to different audiences. However, it’s got me wondering one thing about “Pushed To The Limit”….

…is it stocked under biography or fiction?