It is week two of TV’s most hilarious dance contest, and presenters Claudia Winkleman and Steve Jones will once again put some of Britain’s bravest celebrity faces from the worlds of comedy, sport and entertainment through their paces in the good name of charity.

Acting as judges on tonight’s show will be comedy actor Miranda Hart, 2009 runner-up Paddy McGuinness and presenter Kelly Brook. Add to that an exclusive performance from pop sensation Gabriella Cilmi and it’s shaping up to be a good show.

Dancing on tonight’s show will be actress and impressionist, Debra Stephenson, comedian Shappi Khorsandi, TV presenter Richard Arnold dancing with Kate Garraway and Michael Fish dancing with the Weather Girls (Lara Lewington, Clare Nasir, Becky Mantin), presenters Sam and Mark and boxers Carl Froch, Johnny Nelson, Tony Jeffries and Duke McKenzie.

OK! Welcome to the liveblog – Gerard here, and I’ll be your guide through tonight’s show. To be honest, I’m only here in the hopes that Kate Garraway’s wonderful knockers will fall out of her dress. I see Paddy McGuinness is a judge on tonight’s show – he must be hoping to make his name synonymous with shitty Saturday night television!

Mark and Sam

Moronic presenting duo Mark and Sam – unknown to anyone over the age of 7 – take a masterclass from the godawful Timmy Mallet on the 80′s. They’re performing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham. Well, they’re at least more co-ordinated than Jedward and thankfully they’re not expected to sing. It’s textbook awfulness. I won’t cover the judges’ comments, mostly because they’re all hot air. But I will note that Kelly Brook finally got herself a primetime judging role. Bless.

The Boxers

Oh, I suppose we couldn’t get through a Sports Relief show without there being some sportsmen. Still, I can’t help but be slightly disappointed. I’m a couch potato, and I don’t do sports. But these boxers are unintentionally funny – you can see the concentration in their faces as they try to remember the moves! My only comment is that it’s a good job this is for charity – these guys probably do the same dancing down the pub on a Saturday night. It’s just a different venue for them, innit?

Shappi Khorsandi

We love Shappi! We watch her regularly repeated Apollo show every time it comes on telly, so it’s good to see her on the Beeb for once! She’s dancing to Mickey, in a cheerleader outfit! I’d forgotten what a terrible song this was, it’s torture! Oh, but Shappi, the sight of you trying to do cartwheels is hilarious for all the wrong reasons! If Paddy McGuinness keeps doing handmade scorecards for each result, I might fly over there, invade the studio and steal his bloody biro. Plonker.

Confession: I might fancy Shappi a little bit.

Debra Stephenson

Best sketch of the night was Debra being all schizo for that blonde doctor guy. She takes the inevitable Michael Jackson track – can’t have a dance show without a Jacko song – and does a great Smooth Criminal. She’s probably the best dancer so far tonight as well. There’ll be offers to go on Strictly next year I bet.

Weather Girls

You don’t often get an opportunity to say this on Unreality TV, but hubba hubba. Three extremely hot weather girls, plus Michael Fish. Will we be getting It’s Raining Men? Yes we will. Oh my gods, I’ve never seen three hot women dance in such an un-sexy way. I must be watching too much late night telly. Michael Fish raises the whole routine – especially when he recoils in horror from the male dancer at the end!

Kate Garraway and Richard Arnold

So, curvy Kate has teamed up with hyper-camp Richard Arnold. They’re dancing to the hand job jive song from Grease. Well, if you thought this was going to be a Garraway train wreck, think again! It’s a fantastic group number, with Kate and Richard pulling off a great comedy dancing routine. Kate’s milking equipment looks great, put me in the mood for a cuppa. Richard quips that he’d rather be a pink lady, and in his imagination, we think he already is… McGuinness’s biro has drawn a scribbly “10″ scorecard!

Best dancers of the night – the multi-talented Debra Stephenson and the GMTV twosome, Kate and Richard. I couldn’t say which one should go through. My head says Debra was the best dancer, but my loins would vote for Kate Garraway. Several times over.

It’s not over? No, we’re treated to a variety of filler pieces. Awesome. How refreshing to see Jason Donovan lending his singing talents to something other than an Iceland commercial. What a swell party, etc, etc.

There is, in fact, so much filler material here, that I found myself praying for an ad break. Wrong channel for that, matey They even give Paddy Kielty screen time. Yes, that’s how desperate they are to fill in the time between the dancing and the results. Patrick Kielty overtaking a tractor on a bike. Luckily, they’ve drafted in the very sexy Gabriella Cilmi to sing a wee song. Looks like she’s stolen Lady Gaga’s backing dancers. I’ve loving this tune though – I always thought Cilmi was a closet rocker!

Len Goodman gives a soundbyte “There are certain moments in comedy that will last forever…” and it looks like this show is one of them. They even trot out an old Morcambe and Wise  sketch.

Finally, we get the results – Kate Garraway and Richard Arnold get the highest votes, leaving Sam and Mark (seriously?) up against Debra Stephenson. The judges get to choose who to save. Hmmm, I wonder who they’ll choose… yep, with the two sensible judges send Debra through to the final. While Paddy McGuinness chooses to save Ant & Dec wannabes Sam and Mark. OK, his reasoning is sound – that they were actually funny – but I find the duo really annoying.