Paul Merton In China

Comedian Paul Merton ventures into the unknown as he embarks upon a six-week tour of China for Five. Paul’s trip will take in the major cities of China, as well some of the most breathtaking countryside and remote backwaters that this vast country has to offer. In his own inimitable style, Paul will attempt to unravel the deep mysteries and baffling contradictions of this ancient country.

In the taxi from Beijing airport, Paul explains his long-standing desire to visit the world’s next superpower: “With the Olympic Games coming up, this is a really good, exciting time to come,” he says. A challenge soon presents itself, however, when Paul realises that his driver has no idea as to the location of his hotel. “I have a sneaking suspicion my driver only arrived in Beijing ten minutes before I did,” he says.

After eventually finding his hotel, Paul kicks off his trip with a visit to a night market – where he is confronted with an array of unidentifiable food. Later, in a speciality restaurant, he is called upon to sample a particular part of a male donkey that he would rather leave alone.

Having survived a few days by himself, Paul meets his translator Emma in Tiananmen Square, before encountering a group of hip-hop singers who rap about food. “In China we cannot do aggressive, radical lyrics,” one of them explains. Afterwards, Paul visits a farmer who makes robots out of scrap. Mr Wu’s creations vary in size from tiny dog robots to a man-sized android that can pull a rickshaw. “I feel privileged to have met Mr Wu, one of life’s true eccentrics,” says Paul.

Back in the city centre, Paul reflects on Beijing’s massive redevelopment. Most of these new skyscrapers, he explains, will stand empty because they are unaffordable for the average person. “Effectively, they’re being built solely to ensure Beijing looks shiny and modern when the world’s cameras arrive in 2008,” he says.

By way of a contrast, Paul then visits one of the remaining ‘Hutong’ districts – a labyrinth of tiny streets, courtyards and dilapidated houses – where he meets Mike Myer, an American teacher and the area’s only western resident. Mike says that the culture and social networks of the area will be lost if the district is demolished. Paul is grateful to visit a part of Beijing that tourists do not usually see, and is dismayed that the “beating heart of the city” is being replaced with empty steel and glass.

Leaving the capital behind, Paul’s next stop is a “jaw-droppingly bizarre” $50 million hotel replica of a 17th-century French chateau, seemingly devoid of guests. Paul is faced with a dilemma when he meets the prominent Communist Party official behind the project: “What do you say to a man who’s just wasted $50 million?” he wonders.

From the height of conspicuous wealth, Paul travels to the opposite extreme of China, to one of the few remaining Communist communes. This “last bastion of Communism”, the Nanje commune, is still proud to display giant pictures of Marx, Lenin and Stalin. In this regimented world, locals enjoy free food, healthcare and education, but women must consent to being sterilised after their first child, and everybody must attend compulsory self-criticism classes.

To bolster its economy, the commune has resorted to ‘Red Tourism’, attracting visitors from all over China. Paul accompanies one group of tourists on their visit, but his questions soon needle: “We’re clearly annoying them!” he declares, shortly before being thrown off the tour. Having satisfied his curiosity about the commune, it is time for Paul to move on, with a trip to a Buddhist temple ahead of him.

Monday 21 May, 21.00–22.00 On Channel Five