Welcome to Christ’s Hospital, a boarding school in the vein of Hogwarts. It is here that Gene Simmons, founder and bassist with legendary rockers Kiss will attempt to turn a group of pupils into a rock band.

If you’ve seen Jack Black in School of Rock, then you’ll know what’s coming next! None of the pupils are fans of rock music, and find the experiment bizarre and Simmons even weirder. What’s really bizarre (given that I’ve followed Kiss’ career for a while) is finding out that before becoming a Rock God, Gene was a sixth grade teacher!

However, from the moment Gene appeared at Christ’s Hospital, Vice Principal Mary Ireland had him pegged as a trouble-maker and described him as “a caricature of a rock star”.

In this first episode, “Mr Simmons” showed the children how to show a bit of attitude when entering a room and assigned them all rock star names: Rodney is “Rods”, Josh is “Emperor”, Jesse is “Bagpuss” and Kwame is “Mr Cool”. Ahem, all very original and ….rock…?

Anyway, things aren’t looking too good for the budding band. Despite their apparent talents with classical instruments, they can’t seem to get to grips with serious noise-making equipment! In a bizarre twist, Gene chose Emperor as the band’s lead singer – not because of his singing ability, but because of attitude. Good thing really – Emperor’s vocals were pretty bad. And out of tune. Oh, and out of time, too…

Oh, and apparently the class are working toward playing support for Motorhead!