BBC’s Apprentice opened tonight with Philip answering the phone in his boxers (yum) and being told that the group had thirty minutes before they had to meet Sir Sugar. Does the BBC really expect us to believe that those folks are only given 30 minutes to get up, get dressed, showered, straightened and primped and make their way across London to meet Sir Alan? No way could Kate even get her makeup done in that short space of time.

The teams met Sir Alan in a London auction house, where they were told that they would be selling ten random items in one day. The warning was issued that they not take everything at face value. Kate was moved to Ignite and Noorul was moved to Empire. The delectable Phiilip was appointed as head of Ignite and Ben was team leader for Empire.

Included in the bundle of goods was an Indian rug worth over £200, pair of vintage shoes and first edition hidden in a box of books.

Lorraine immediately spotted the value in the rug, but cocky Phil disregarded her every word. He decided that the value item was the skeleton but when a dealer turned down the chance to buy it, he sold it to a random guy in a local pub. Questionable methods that luckily worked.

Staying in form, Phillip and team sold their £200 rug for £50 to someone walking past them in the street. Alan Carr lookalike, Lorraine, wanted a proper valuation but Phil kept repeating that it was a piece of shite. There’s leadership for you.

Ben sold his first book for £100, not a bad result but then continued to flog his skeleton to a poor student for a paltry £60. It is lucky Ben was there for the transaction, as Noorul seemed to lose all speech capabilities when it came to the bartering process. Ben went on to sell his wooden commode for a fiver and tried to offer his vintage shoes for one pound. I wish I’d been in the market that day, just think what I could have made on eBay. In the meantime Yasmina sold her £200 rug for £55, was anyone surprised when Ben’s team lost?

As Philip and his lot went to enjoy a night of truffles, Ben decided to bring James and Noorul and back into the boardroom. No Deborah, no James, no Deborah…..yeah Deborah! He’s obviously not known for his decision making skills. I can’t tell you much of what was said in the boardroom, as the three candidates shouted and bickered and bitched over each other so much that it was almost incomprehensible. The common threads were that no one liked Ben Clarke, no one respected Ben Clarke and everyone is fed up with hearing about Ben’s scholarship from Sandhurst.

So how did Noorul end up being fired then? Granted he was incompetent and I would have been tempted to stick pins in him during the task to make sure he was still alive but really, how could Sir Alan let Ben stay for another week? That accent is driving me crazy and if he does land a topless magazine shoot like he is hoping to, I may be forced to throw up. At this point I am tempted to start my very own Get Ben Out petition. Anyone care to sign?