Poor Simon… I say it every week but it’s worth saying again; poor Simon.

On last night’s show, Valentine’s Day was looming, but the atmosphere was far from loving in the Hughes household. Simon was, as ever, exasperated by the kids behaviour and he wasn’t impressed with Jane either who he still feels isn’t being supportive enough.

Emily is still going out and partying at all hours, dressed in what amounts to dental floss and sequins and 14-year-old Tom is being more irritating by the day. On last night’s episode, Tom had a friend over and as teenagers are wont to do, decided to show off in front of his friend by being rude to Simon. He repeatedly told him to shut up, to get out and then nearly got into a physical brawl over computer games, and whilst Tom’s behaviour was without doubt unacceptable – he’d be minus a head on his shoulders if he was mine – being told to “go play outside” when he’s nearly 15 was odd.

Jane didn’t take kindly to Tom being sent out and had a go at Simon because she didn’t want Tom “wandering around when I don’t know where he is”. She then told Simon he’d been an “ars*hole” all day. She later tried to call a small truce when she wandered into the living room and asked if Simon thought it was cold. He seemed to take this as some kind of personal insult though and frostily implied she should light the fire if she was cold. There was something about his tone that you had to hear to understand what I mean, but he was taking no prisoners that night.

Tom had something of a psycho episode when he stood in the kitchen with a large knife and described for the cameras how he would scalp Simon and carve obsenitites into his brain. Kinda worrying…

Then when Emily arrived home in the early hours and yet again woke Simon, the blue touch paper was lit and he went a tad nuclear. He took it upon himself to tidy Emily’s room and by tidy, I mean throw all her stuff into black bin bags and dump them outside. “It’s the small things that pi** you off enough to throw you over the edge” he shouted as he unplugged the nearest camera and then the next, and then the next so that he could have a row with Jane in private…

When the cameras were functioning again, we saw that Simon had bought an orchid and a card for Jane for Valentine’s day, and she’d bought him a tub of Marmite with the words, ‘I love you’ on the label. Charlotte made a card for Simon which he was clearly quite touched by but could only watch wistfully as his daughter shot out of the house and went off with her friends with nary a goodbye for her dad.

He later made a meal for Jane and ordered Tom to go into their bedroom for the evening to watch TV while he and Jane had some time alone. However, as they were listening to Barry White and other musical monstrosities, Emily came tearing down the stairs and was nearly out of the door when Simon called her back. It was past 11pm and in his I’m-being-reasonable voice, he asked why she must go out at that time of night… again.

Within seconds he was in full flow but Emily’s friends were waiting outside and were ringing her to hurry her up. Simon wasn’t pleased about that and went outside to challenge these friends… a small altercation ensued on the dark lawn with Emily telling Simon how embarassing he was being and eventually, off she went.

Jane meanwhile was sitting in the dining room, alternately with her head in her hands then trying on some paper rose-coloured-glasses which she joked about with Simon when he came in which broke the tension somewhat.

As we left the Hughes family last night, a fragile peace had settled for the night but will it last? I very much doubt it.