Howdy, Unreality TV readers! We’re planning a night of SYTYCD fun and games to celebrate it’s UK launch on BBC tonight.

OK, let’s get this weird dance party started. After watching Cat Deeley strut/limp down a street for the introductory part of the show, we have to suffer the customary torture of the judges (AKA Nigel Lythgoe and Arlene Phillips) telling us how tough-but-fair they are.

First notable dancer is Roz Lynch, a girl who twirls and flails her way through a routine. Arlene and Nigel like her dancing (I didn’t), but Nigel says he wouldn’t like to lift her if he was her partner. OK, that was tough-but-fair.

Fast-forward through some random auditions until we get heavily muscled Hugo Cortez in just his pants. And I don’t mean pants in the American sense. Nigel tells him he thinks he’s superb, while Arlene admits to having ‘got goosebumps’, and we have a sneaky idea what she’s talking about. Hugo walks away with a golden ticket for the finals.

A swift jump across to Manchester now, and Robbie White a self-described ‘drunk spider’. He gets a ticket. Claire Meehan draws some high praise from Arlene before getting her ticket to the finals. Northern Irish girl Jordan Stone chooses the Manc auditions to make her return to dancing. Nigel says that “some people just demand that you watch them on stage, which is what you did when you started”. She’s asked to return later to dance with a partner.

Next is a former BGT auditionee Fabia Cerra, who roly-polys around until she falls off the stage. Brilliant excuse to have her wheeled out of the venue! This begins amateur hour for the competition, including one guy who is so sad by rejection that “it’s like even my feet are upset”.

Next up is Billy from Edinburgh who rates himself in the top 10 of the UK. He does a fantastic routine, most of it on his hands. Arlene is clearly impressed/horny. Louise says “that’s how hip-hop should be done”. Nigel praises his back somersault but questions what’ll happen when he can’t do the steps.

Tommy Franzen thrills Arlene with his routine and she coos at him before ganding over a ticket to the final. Lizzie Gough gets called an “exceptional talent” by Nigel and receives amazing praise from Arlene.

They’re followed by Graham and Robyn, a ballroom dancing twosome. Nigel’s not impressed by Robyn, but more so by Graham. The judges controversially split the couple up – they accept Graham and send Robyn home.

Oh, the next act – well, he’s like the dance equivalent of Mika without the talent. Nigel describes him as a dancing deckchair due to his horrendous striped unitard.

Choreography round

Many of the auditionees are brought back to learn a routine. Those who can pick up the routine are brought on, but those who can’t pick it up are sent home. That’s where “Billy from Edinburgh” says goodbye. Roz Lynch gets through to the Top 100, but Nigel warns her that she may not make the final show.

Jordan Stone gets herself a ticket to the top 100 as well. And so do many others.

Choregraphy camp

The contestants head to BBC Television Centre for some ballroom lessons. This proves challenging for some of the hip-hop dancers, but many of them manage to get through.

For the next masterclass, the contestants are subjected to a hip-hop routine, which will really cut down the list of finalists. Roz, in particular, struggles with the routine, and ballroom dancer Graham isn’t picking up the moves as easily as he’d hoped. A disgruntled Nigel brings everybody up on stage and tells them that he’s not happy. He sends them all home to rest up and return tomorrow and do it all over again.

The next day…

Graham instantly gets sent home. Which is quite sad, but as Arlene said, it looked like he was being tortured. Roz, however, gets kept on. The auditions move on to what they call…

The Broadway Round

Where the dancers have to dance to big Broadway show tunes. Including  America from West Side Story. This all seems to fast-paced and intesnse. The contestants get an hour with the routine before the judges return. The first group get unceremoniously dumped out of the competition, including our Northern Irish hottie, Jordan.

Contemporary Dance

The competition moves on at a frantic rate and the contestants are given some contemporary dance routines to work with. Mark Calape gets told that he is a natural, Nigel saying that “you could be outstanding in this competition”. Roz on the other hand gets rejected at this stage, but takes the opportunity to thank her partner even though she’s devastated. Thought that was really nice of her.

The next stage is where the contestants are given CDs at random and asked to go away and choreograph their own routine. By this stage, I’m exhausted – it feels like the groups have been working without a break since their first auditions.

Scottish dancer Martin gets booted because his team decide to do a hip-hop routine, where his strengths lie elsewhere. The judges think he should have flagged this up, rather than recognising his effort – I thought he performed pretty well, so clearly he had the drive to succeed.

A five-piece group come out and make a mess of a routine. But to make matter worse, they argue on stage in front of the judges. And so, they get unceremoniously dumped from the competition.

Anabel’s group come up with one of the slickest routines so far and rightly receive praise from the judges. And then there’s the montage of everybody doing really well and getting positive feedback.

Shortlisting

Yes, it’s the now-customary shortlisting session, where the judges push photos of the contestants around a big black table. And then the contestants are told whether they’re in the final 14 or not. In case you missed it, the finalists are:

• Alastair Postlethwaite
• Anabel Kutay
• Chris Piper
• Charlie Bruce
• Drew McOnie
• Chloe Campbell
• Gavin Tsang
• Hayley Newton
• Mark Calape
• Lizzie Gough
• Robbie White
• Mandy Montanez
• Tommy Franzen
• Yanet Fuentes

So, there you go folks. First episode of the British So You Think You Can Dance. First impressions? Fast paced and really arduous. This isn’t the kind of show you can stumble onto with a sad story and expect it to carry you through to the finals. Nice to see a reality show that requires people to really work for the prize.