Dom Joly has taken a swing at the ITV reality show, Deadline in which he and a crew of other ‘celebs’ had to run a magazine. On The Independent website, he claims that the show was completely fake and about as detatched from reality as it could possibly be.

He acknowledges that reality TV is staged to some extent (something I think most of us accept), but that Deadline took the biscuit:

The “editorial team” of judges had clearly been told to act as though they’d just taken control of a classroom of window lickers and boy, did they love it. It was big-swinging-dick time from day one. The fact that no one with an ounce of grey matter nor a shred of dignity would remain in any “real” magazine that functioned in this sub-soap-opera manner didn’t deter our troika of “experts”. For instance, it was somewhat odd to be scolded for the quality of a one-line caption for a photograph of troubled glamour-bint Jasmine Lennard, on the same day that I had a five-page spread in The Independent.

For me though, his recounting of a conversation with a location director is particularly interesting:

“Reality TV is basically seduce and betray,” he said as I bought him another double brandy. “We give you celebs limos and fancy hotels, stylists, food and alcohol and then we stitch you up to look like morons for telly.”

Joly’s account of working on Deadline is an excellent insight into the world of reality telly from the perspective of a contestant. Definitely worth a look.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“All of the captions are crap because the blokes don’t understand how to sign off on something. Thank God they’re not working in f**king casualty ‘cos if you went in with a foot that was bleeding you’d bleed to death before they’d finally notice.” - Janet Street-Porter

Dom hooks Melanie Slade

Dom scored a big fashion shoot with England star Theo Woolcott’s girlfriend Melanie Slade but before he got a chance to organise his shoot Darryn started to take over.

In the accompanying interview Melanie admitted she had over a hundred bags and about 30 pairs of shoes.

Dom advised her: “I really would see a doctor about the handbags.”

Mel also declared that her love for Theo was “real love” and that some day she would like to get married and have kids. Read more & comment »

Peaches Geldof has blasted Ingrid Tarrant and accused her of losing all dignity in a row outside a London club.

Ingrid was attempting to capture a photograph of Peaches as part of her new role in the ITV2 reality TV show, Deadline.

In a desperate bid to get Peaches to allow her a shot, Ingrid shouted

“I knew your mum”.

Geldof replied: “That’s really rude of you to say that. You’ve lost all of your dignity Ingrid.”

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Janet Street-Porter on the latest issue of Deadline out today: “I think it gives Closer a run for its money.”

Imogen cracks up - again

“Why am I here? I can’t take photographs, I’ve run out of contacts, they should have fired me,” said an emotional Imogen.

“What have I set up? Nothing because none of my contacts are talking to me any more because they all hate me.”

Darryn said he thought Imogen should have been sacked last week and not Abi. Joe agreed. “She doesn’t want to be here and she’s given up. She knows it and we know it.”

Darryn said later: “There’s no space in journalism for sensitive people. She should have been fired as far as I’m concerned.” Read more & comment »

Abi’s told ‘clear your desk’

Abi Titmuss burst into tears after being sensationally sacked by Janet Street-Porter.

The emotional scene will be shown in tomorrow’s episode of ITV’s TV show, Deadline at 10pm on ITV2.

Copy editor Joe Mott pointed out to Janet that Abi hadn’t written a single word for issue three of the magazine and Janet admitted: “I can’t believe I didn’t notice.”

She sacked Abi in front of everyone else at the conference table.

According to onlookers, Abi, who was up against Ingrid Tarrant and Imogen Lloyd Webber in the three way sack off, was desperate to stay.

Abi’s photography skills had been criticised relentlessly by Darryn and Joe wasn’t impressed with her writing.

Deadline, Weds and Thurs ITV2

Tears at the conference table

The waterworks came on when Imogen was asked to dress up as a schoolgirl for the filming of St Trinian’s.

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s daughter welled up when Janet suggested she would be perfect for the magazine feature.

When she saw Imogen start to break down, Janet said she would discuss it with her after conference.

Imogen admitted: “I have just had a bad experience with the whole school uniform thing. It’s not something I want to talk about. I don’t want to go there I am sorry.” Read more & comment »

The bosses discuss who will face the sack and Janet is sick of them acting like school kids.

After Lisa’s sacking in yesterday’s show the three celebs facing the boot was reduced to two and it became a toss up between Ingrid and Blair.

Janet said of Ingrid: “As far as I’m concerned I gave her a bollocking about the shopping and buying a handbag, but she can’t write to save her life.”

Darryn said: “She talks a good situation about all her celeb contacts but just can’t deliver.” Read more & comment »

Dom and Ingrid interview Alex James

Dom and Ingrid headed off to the country house of former Blur bassist Alex James. He gave them an exclusive first glimpse of his new cheese making operation and declared: “cheese is the new rock and roll.”

Jolly admitted after leaving that he didn’t bother to do an interview with James. “Blur bassist makes cheese – that’s the piece,” he said confidently.

Abi has ‘moral issues’ with papping Read more & comment »

Iwan gets caught short

While staking out Kylie’s flat with Yvette Fielding, Iwan got caught short and confessed to the former Blue Peter presenter: “I am gonna wet myself.” She had the perfect solution – a plastic drinks bottle!

Iwan took the bottle into their car and filled it up while Yvette piled on the pressure by taking pictures of him in action through the car window. Iwan proudly showed Yvette the half full bottle.

Later, Iwan met Kylie…

Ingrid splashes out

Ingrid Tarrant was supposed to be out shooting pictures for a feature on where celebrities shop.

Unfortunately the allure of the shops proved too much and she ended up spending £1400 on a handbag she had seen in a shop window.

Afterwards she said: “I bought the handbag but I swear on my life I have never ever spent so much on anything other than a car and a house. Now I am feeling really guilty because I have bought the handbag but I haven’t got the maintenance and I haven’t got the settlement either and I was twitchy about whether my card would go through…but you only live once!”

Iwan can’t get Kylie out of his head Read more & comment »

The bosses discuss who can’t hack it will face the sack

Chris Parker was in the frame because he couldn’t bear to snap the celebs without asking their permission. Plus, when he had to take pictures of Jamelia arriving at a party he forgot to use his flash and had to ask her to pose for more pics on the way out. Darryn Lyons ran out of patience and said he thought the former Eastender wasn’t tough enough for life as a pap.

Janet said of Chris: “He is still totally and utterly terrified.”

Referring to Chris’s attempt to shield his pal Fearne Cotton from the lenses of his Deadline colleagues Abi Titmuss and Imogen Lloyd Webber, Darryn added: “We had an awful performance from him last night.”

Darryn also told Janet that Chris didn’t bother to take a camera to the 18th birthday party of Peaches Geldof.

“So he went to a party that we wanted to cover and deliberately didn’t even take his camera, just went in and had a good time?” yelled an astonished Janet.

Joe added: “Well that’s his fate signed and sealed as far as I’m concerned.”

Janet said she wasn’t impressed with Lisa either: “She’s had the most horrible attitude problem. I don’t know what her problem is, I think she does it just to wind everybody up.”

Darryn chipped in: “She is incredibly unsettling in the office.”

Joe stuck up for Lisa: “I like her and if we can get her to work for us we can get good stuff out of her.”

Blair was the other celeb facing the sack. While Janet was unimpressed, Darryn stuck up for him and said he’d had back luck and was actually a “good photographer”.

Chris gets the boot

The Deadline team were summoned to the boardroom to learn who would be sacked.

“Chris, you have really perplexed me during the week,” said Janet.

Chris tried to explain himself: “I have found taking the photos hard. I feel like a bit of a stalker.”

Janet said: “Chris, because you can’t hack it, clear your desk. You are out of here. Say goodbye to everyone, don’t hang about though. We have got another magazine to make.”

“He’s a nice boy but he’s just not right for the job,” concluded Darryn later.

Deadline, Weds and Thurs ITV2