It’s time for the final dancing showdown, my friends. Strictly Come Dancing‘s final three will go head to head tonight: Harry Judd, Chelsee Healy and Jason Donovan will take to the floor and dance

Our elimination prediction: Earlier today on Twitter, I published my prediction for the elimination order. My gut feeling is that it’s going to be a win for Harry Judd tonight. Jason Donovan will be eliminated first, and Chelsee Healey will be a very deserving runner-up. I think much of this will be down to the McFly fanbase, but if Chelsee Healey continues with the same level of improvement as recently, she may well outperform Harry. However, since the public vote is everything in tonight’s show, Harry Judd could spin around the floor on his butt and still win.

Read more & comment »

It’s Strictly! At Wembley! Could this be the biggest, most exciting night in Strictly Come Dancing history? I think so!

Join me as I cover the celebrity performances LIVE. I’ve already just watched the brilliant opener – a medley of massive Queen hits, even including footage of the four judges in the iconic Bohemian Rhapsody pose! Amazing work, and does anybody else think this will convince more people to check out the Strictly 2011 live show when it goes on tour?

Robbie Savage – Robbie gives the girls what they (well, some of them) want tonight when he dances in a wide-open shirt. Though to be honest, it’s Ola Jordan in that bodystocking that has all of my attention. They both gave a fantastically energetic dance to Robbie’s Let Me Entertain You, and though it wasn’t the most finessed dance we’ve ever seen, it was…entertaining.

Read more & comment »

Oh yeah! It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for – a bunch of almost-forgotten celebrities and z-listers being dumped in the Aussie outback in the name of gross-out entertainment! I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is BACK!

Lisa’s been keeping a tight eye on the lineup for this year’s I’m A Celebrity, but I’ll be discovering this bunch at the same time as everybody else! So pardon any spelling mistakes and inaccuracies – let’s just enjoy this first night of celebrity fun!

Meeting the celebs

Corrie’s Anthony Cotton promises to be irritatingly camp. And we don’t think he means the type with tents. Maybe he’s got the wrong end of the stick signing up for this show. Within minutes, Cotton is tap dancing with Stephanie Powers.

The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen on this show has come on screen. Mark Wright. Ugh. Disgusting creature. He struggles to explain the concept behind The Only Way Is Essex. I can do it in one word: shite. Lorraine Chase is next and gets shockingly little screen time. She must not be in a current ITV show. There is also a boobilicious model whose name I’ll pick up later.

Then its YAY DOUGIE POYNTER! Is there NO-ONE from MCFly who hasn’t done a reality sh0w this year? Good Lord. And Fatima Whitbread is thrown into the mix without much fanfare. A Scouse comedienne I’ve never heard of – Chrissie Rock – is next in. The world collectively goes “meh?” A little jockey dude called Willie Carson discovers that he’s the perfect height for the booby model’s boobs.

First impressions? Some of the most obscure celebs I’ve ever seen on the show. But that doesn’t mean that it’s going to be an all-out disaster – we’ve got no preconceptions about most of these folk, so it’ll be a voyage of discovery!

Chucking them into the jungle

Our intrepid celebrities are airlifted to the edge of the jungle. And for their first trial, they’re sent to live in a smelly cave for the night. Antony tells us that the cave smells of dead insects. The question on everybody’s lips is: how does he know what dead insects smell like?

Predictably, Fatima rearranges the forest to make beds and comfy living quarters for everyone while the men stand idly by. That’s right…the I’m A Celebrity crew tried to get them to sleep in a rancid cave and the celebs improvised outdoor beds! Score one to the celebs!

Later on, we’re pretty sure Chrissie pretended to sleep talk. Mark Wright so far is showing no signs of struggling to be on TV without his script. We’re increasinly thinking that Jessica-Jane Clement is going to be the Jordan to Wright’s Peter Andre.

And then it’s time for the helicopter dive!

Antony Cotton decides to throw a strop about the parachuting out of a helicopter bit. Which couldn’t have been much of a surprise because I’m A Celebrity has had this rite of passage for years. It’s the first time tonight we’ve thought: “You knew this when you signed up, you idiot!”

Thought: Celebrity parachuting loses its impact when the celebs are doing tandem jumps with professionals.

The other team are trekking through the jungle. Without anything interesting to report upon, Jessice Jane Clement entertains us by telling Willie Carson that “she loves her Willie”. Bet he’s never heard that one before. Elsewhere Stephanie and Dougie bring the giggles when they fall out of their canoe.

Celebrity revelation: Dougie Poynter says he sucks at rhythm. We didn’t want to be the ones to point it out…

Bushtucker time!

And finally Freddie Starr makes his first appearance just before the first bushtucker trial. And if you don’t mind us being passremarkable (it’s what you came here for, after all) he’s sporting quite the pot belly. Be interesting to see how much that changes after a few weeks of starvation!

And what’s that first trial? The celebrities are split into two teams and put into a see-saw style contraption. They’re suspended above a vile vat of fish guts in water…and they have to BITE the stars out of a selection of live bugs to avoid being dipped into the stinking concoction! It’s like bobbing for apples, but with creepie crawlies that can bite you back! Lorraine Chase’s team get off to a great start, but Freddie Starr struggles to get the first set of stars. He’s still on the first box while Antony Cotton is fishing his stars out of a box of cockroaches.

How ironic is it that Freddie Starr can’t find…a star?

Yellow team – including Lorraine, Mark Wright, Antony, Chrissy and Jessica-Jane – are the winners. Freddie’s team get dunked…and Stephanie Powers is not happy about it. This means that the two teams are split up with the yellows living in relative luxury while the reds live in awful Snake Rock.

Freddie has a minor emotional breakdown when he realises that he’s condemned his team to basic rations. Willie Carson is quite brusque with him, more or less telling him to pull himself together. The yellow team by comparison receive a food parcel of tasty food. Fatima runs around the camp kissing everybody.

Lorraine Chase makes us laugh when she calls going to the toilet a Jimmy Riddle. That’s going to catch on, isn’t it?

I’ve been trying to work out Freddie Starr’s remorse over the first task failure. But he seems legit. And he’s already addressed the hamster-eating story from yesteryear – he says it didn’t happen and Max Clifford was the man behind most of it. Then he also says that John Lennon was one of his friends and Ringo Starr was in his band at one point. Not sure what to believe here – what do you think?

Greasy Spoon – Head To Head

For the first head to head task, the public have predictably voted Mark Wright to be the first from the yellow team to do a bushtucker trial. And for the red team, it’s equally predictable: Freddie Starr! Chrissy Rock reckons that Mark will ace the test because he’s the hungriest. Dunno about that, love!

Anyway, we’ll catch the results of that task tomorrow night. For now, I’m off for a Jimmy Riddle…

Ola chicos y chicas! Welcome to Unreality TV’s third week of Strictly Come Dancing liveblogs – and with no Edwina Currie, who’ll provide the cringes on this week’s show? Well, probably Russell Grant, who we heard described on Twitter as Christopher Biggins with even less dignity. Does that sound about right?

Tonight’s show kicks off with a group performance in an old Broadway stylee. We’re randomly thinking Brendan Cole’s new haircut makes him look like less of a preening peacock than usual. The professional dancers are joined by the rank amateurs celebrities for the finale of the number, with most of the guys forgetting when to raise their ridiculous top hats.

Holly Valance

Holly Valance dancing in a cage? It’s like the choreographers went in and stole the idea from my mind, Inception-style. Holly and Artem start off their routine sizzling together in the cage, but the routine inexplicably loses energy when Holly tries to do kicks toward Artem. Still, it was a reasonably steamy routine.

Read more & comment »

The Apprentice is back!!!

No more do reality TV addicts have to sit through hours of tuneless singers and left footed dancers, now we have some real prats to laugh at!

Lord Alan Sugar’s show returns for it’s seventh series this evening but it kicks off with a twist. No longer are the candidates vying for a job in his company – not that it matters, most of the winners end up leaving anyway – this year the person who impresses the Amstrad boss most, will receive £250,000 and enter into a partnership with Sugar in their own fledgling company.
Read more & comment »

Welcome everybody – I’ve been chosen from absolutely zero applicants to liveblog tonight’s Junior Apprentice. Yes, I’ve been told I’m watching this. Gulp.

So, we’re getting a bunch of swotty schoolkids instead of the usual bumbling second hand car salesmen. Regular Apprentice is still postponed until the autumn, so we get six episode of this to compensate!

There are ten school children in the boardroom. They chant “Good morning Lord Sugar” like it was morning assembly. Er…while Sugar lays down the law for the apprentices, we get a shot of a kid with a full beard! Who is this wolf boy? Is he an adult apprentice in disguise? “But…but…I was trying to show Lord Sugar how enterprising I was…” He’s probably 40.

Introductions to Sugar’s assistants: Karren Brady (replacing sexy Margaret) and Nick Hewitt. He warns them not to mess up the house he’s (or The Beeb) rented for them. Arjun scares the bejesus out of me. He talks like he’s a veteran of thousands of job interviews. The others are equally frighteningly grown-up. Jordan is the director of his own company.

Read more & comment »

Here we go – liveblogging time! This week we see the Manchester auditions for Britain’s Got Talent. Never been to Manchester – is it a nice place? Anyone from Manchester, say hello in the comments!

First act is Christine Wilks, describing herself as a tripple threat: singing, dancing and playing an instrument. Clearly not prepared for Simon’s onslaught of questions, she reverts to cliches and claims she wants to take over the world. Oh lordy, she was more entertaining when she was aspiring to take over the world. Piers tells her “I haven’t seen moonwalking that slow since Neil Armstrong.”

Come on BGT, I need to see a good act tonight.

Read more & comment »

Yo! Readers of Unreality TV, we’ll be having a Britain’s Got Talent liveblogging session right here tonight on this very page.

The show kicks off at 8:00pm on ITV1 – so switch on yer telly, get out yer laptop and chat about BGT here, or join in with the chatter on the Unreality TV forum.

Well, another year, another million, billion, trillion aspiring light entertainers queue up to be discovered via Britain’s Got Talent. There’s even a kid who can’t pronounce “Variety”, so it’ll be hard for him to claim being on the Royal Variety Performance has been “a lifelong dream”. Because we all dream about performing in front of The Queen, don’t we? No, not like that, you filthy minded readers

Read more & comment »

Call me a perv. Or just a red-blooded dude. During tonight’s Over The Rainbow intro song, I found myself idly wondering who was the hottest potential Dorothy was. Those costumes are boobtastic, aren’t they? Answers in the comments please – who’s the hottest contestant on Over The Rainbow? Oh hell, stuff the judges’ comments tonight – I’ll give them a hotness rating after each performance!

Now, the next idle thought – are songs from Wicked banned because this is a production of The Wizard Of Oz? Will there be deadly competition between both versions of Oz? Your thoughts…

Read more & comment »

On last week’s Over The Rainbow, Andrew Lloyd Webber and his panel of judges whittled down 20 Dorothy hopefuls to just 10. Tonight the public get to save one of last week’s rejects and see the final 11 perform.

Stephanie Davies & Lauren Samuels

Stephanie sings Pixie Lott’s Mama Do. They seem to be doing a lot of Pixie songs at the moment. Not that there are many, I suppose. Sassy vocals and she manages to look good in a yellow skirt.

Read more & comment »