Our elimination prediction: Earlier today on Twitter, I published my prediction for the elimination order. My gut feeling is that it’s going to be a win for Harry Judd tonight. Jason Donovan will be eliminated first, and Chelsee Healey will be a very deserving runner-up. I think much of this will be down to the McFly fanbase, but if Chelsee Healey continues with the same level of improvement as recently, she may well outperform Harry. However, since the public vote is everything in tonight’s show, Harry Judd could spin around the floor on his butt and still win.

The show kicks off with a gladiatorial dance by the professional dancers to Bon Jovi’s Living On a Prayer. And the show wastes no time showing what a ratings success it’s been this year. Quite right too. I find when a rival show like X Factor becomes overwrought and exhausting to watch, it’s refreshing to watch a show where there’s no agenda being crammed down your throat week-on-week.

Harry Judd and Aliona: Harry’s up first, dancing a quickstep to The Pretenders’ Don’t Get Me Wrong. It’s poised and professional and fast-paced. And it ends with a nice little air-drumming move from Harry. Len Goodman likens tonight to “The Battle of Blackpool” and tells Harry that he came out all guns blazing. Alesha Dixon calls it “a very strong start” while Bruno Tonioli raved about Harry’s “timeless elegance”.

Scores: Craig: 10, Len: 10, Alesha: 10, Bruno: 10 Totals: 40

Jason Donovan and Kristina:Ah, the feather dance! We can’t criticise the dayglo pink they’re wearing, because  that’s our colour! Brilliant to see a more entertaining dance set to a fast-paced version of I Will Survive, and Jason and Kristina danced it brilliantly. Alesha told Jason that he excelled and gave a joyful tango! Bruno described it as a “tango with split personalities”, but loved it overall. Craig gripes that Jason’s bottom was “sticking out”, but praises the number and Donovan’s hard work. Len points out that Jason’s much older than his rivals tonight, but matches them for energy.

Scores: Craig: 9, Len: 10, Alesha: 10, Bruno: 9 Totals: 38

Chelsee Healey and Pasha: Reprising her brilliant Shrek-themed dance from a fortnight ago, Chelsee’s chosen the right routine to showcase how well she’s come along since the beginning of the show. And quite rightly too – she was a complete unknown at the start of this show and now she’s a serious contender. I love her bubbly personality and the fact that she seems to be just a normal girl…who dances almost as well as the professionals! An excellent, fun-packed performance from Chelsee tonight! Bruno calls it a “premium grade jive”, and even Craig is buzzing with positive comments. Len Goodman notes that Chelsee had no dance experience before this show, and Alesha calls it her “favourite jive of the series”.

Scores: Craig: 9, Len: 10, Alesha: 10, Bruno: 10 Totals: 39

It’s the midpoint of the show, and Harry Judd’s leading the field so far. Though if we’re honest, people aren’t happy that Jason and Chelsee got lower marks. The standard is incredibly high this year, and many people think Jason and Chelsee were equally good.

Harry and Aliona: Performing a showdance to Great Balls Of Fire seems apt. If I was dancing with Aliona that’s what I’ve have too. Judd’s showing off the right amount of flesh to secure the phone vote. Although apparently McFly have promised to strip naked if Harry wins tonight. The duo give a fantastic performance, acrobatic and energetic in all the right places, with flips and lifts and Harry finishing off ON THE DRUMS. Alesha said some of the lifts bordered on dangerous, but loved the excitement, while Len and Craig compliment Harry’s talent. There are some criticisms about how much more smooth the routine could have been, but on the whole, the judges loved it.

Scores: Craig: 9, Len: 9, Alesha: 10, Bruno: 9 Totals: 37

Jason and Kristina: Jason wants to take full advantage of the “no rules” element of tonight’s showdance, so he’s going to be throwing the kitchen sink at it tonight. He’s dancing a salsa tonight, and like Harry Judd, the routine is laced with exciting lifts and flips. You know what? I think Jason edges it over Harry for pure showmanship. Kristina discards her costume for something a touch more skimpy along the way and the two collapse on the floor at the end. Brilliant routine. Alesha tells Jason that if it was a marathon, he’d have won already while Bruno calls it a “showbiz extravaganza”. Craig describes it as “ferocious and full on”, which we know is amazing praise and Len tells Jason that he’s a showman.

Scores: Craig: 10, Len: 10, Alesha: 10, Bruno: 10 Totals: 40

Chelsee and Pasha: Chelsee comes out looking like a bargain basement Beyonce to One Night Only. I want to like. The energy is there, but the finesse is not. It’s a rambunctious, energetic affair, but not as smooth as it could be. Which is disappointing, because I’d hoped Chelsee would squeak an all-10′s score on her last dance. Bruno notes a few rough edges in the performance, but Craig compliments the lifts especially for the danger element. Len compliments the “elements of hustle” and says all the finalists have given their all tonight. Alesha Dixon finishes by saying that Chelsee was set free and that she dances with her heart.

Scores: Craig: 9, Len: 9, Alesha: 9, Bruno: 9 Totals: 36

View the original post Strictly Come Dancing 2011: The Final, Live Blog! on Unreality TV

Join me as I cover the celebrity performances LIVE. I’ve already just watched the brilliant opener – a medley of massive Queen hits, even including footage of the four judges in the iconic Bohemian Rhapsody pose! Amazing work, and does anybody else think this will convince more people to check out the Strictly 2011 live show when it goes on tour?

Robbie Savage – Robbie gives the girls what they (well, some of them) want tonight when he dances in a wide-open shirt. Though to be honest, it’s Ola Jordan in that bodystocking that has all of my attention. They both gave a fantastically energetic dance to Robbie’s Let Me Entertain You, and though it wasn’t the most finessed dance we’ve ever seen, it was…entertaining.

Len called the performance “wild and savage”, but rightly praised the routine for being great entertainment. Alesha loved it, saying it was “full of gusto”, while Bruno purred at Robbie and gesticulated wildly. And Craig called it flat footed throughout, but he liked Robbie’s upper body. We bet he did!

Scores: Craig: 5, Len: 7, Alesha: 7, Bruno: 7 Total: 26

Brucie interrupts the proceedings to tap dance on the stage for a minute. Next up…

Alex Jones -Not my favourite performance from Alex tonight. She and James are dancing to Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, and she looks like she couldn’t be bothered being there. The dance is probably technically alright. We’re not experts on such matters. But I just didn’t get drawn in by it.

Alesha Dixon disagrees, saying it was dramatic and praising her progression. Bruno was also effusive in his praise, while even Craig says they might be showing some improvement, which leads to an almost wardrobe malfunction from James Jordan. Len called it a proper tango and described it as “fabulous”. Shows what I know, doesn’t it, readers?

Scores: Craig: 8, Len: 9, Alesha: 9, Bruno: 9 Total: 35

Holly Valance – Well, Holly managed to prise Artem away from Brendan Cole and the two are dancing a fun routine to Amy Winehouse’s Valerie. Wow! Lots of lasers and pyrotechnics! And Holly’s footwork looks brilliant to me, although I’m doubting myself after Alex Jones’ performance. Still, the two manage to cover a fair bit of ground on the massive Wembley dancefloor, and Holly looks hot in that nude-coloured top that she’s wearing! Really enjoyed that routine!

Bruno says she’s sometimes maddening, sometimes brilliant. He’s encouraging her to go all-out. Craig has lots of compliments. I doubt he wants to get booed in an arena that size. But he does have a few technical pointers that culminate in “tighten the whole thing up”. Len has kind words for their use of space, but says it lost control because of the speed. Alesha noted a little loss of control, but overall says she liked it.

Scores: Craig: 7, Len: 8, Alesha: 8, Bruno: 8 Total: 31

Anita Dobson – Anita got a visit back to Albert Square this week, which had me randomly wondering how much Anita and Brian May collectively spend on hairspray. But anyway Anita draws a cute black and pink costume this week and a lively number in Come On Eileen. It’s a much better routine than I expected, just good fun from start to finish.

Craig fires off criticisms of her “muddy and murky” footwork right from the start and warns that the semi-finals are just around the corner. Len loves that she gives 100% with every dance, although it could have been crisper. Alesha loved Anita’s bundles of energy and notes that she thought Anita lost timing. Bruno says Anita played it for all it was worth and says something vaguely sexual about her fire down below…

Scores: Craig: 6, Len: 7, Alesha: 7, Bruno: 7 Total: 27

Harry Judd – Harry and Aliona are dancing the salsa to I’m Still Standing. Another open shirt number. These male celebs know how to shill for votes, don’t they? Hope Russell Grant doesn’t copy the trick. Not only is this a red-hot routine, but Harry pulls off an amazing move where he flips Aliona over his back and she lands, in the splits position, between his legs. Amazing! Big standing ovation from the audience.

Len called it a “full on samba” and babbles with praise. He requests more hip action though, but otherwise loved it. Alesha loved it, and Bruno wants to see more flesh. From Harry, naturally. Craig said the routine didn’t have a groove and lays into Harry’s hip action.

Scores: Craig: 8, Len: 8, Alesha: 9, Bruno: 9 Total: 34

Russell Grant – Russell gets fired from a cannon, which conveniently removes the need to dance for the first minute of the routine tonight. Which is to the brilliant Reach by S Club 7. One thing I notice about Russell is that when he wears such bright colours, he reminds me of an amateur children’s entertainer. Mr Tumble, anyone? Endlessly entertaining, as always, but I wonder if time is running out for Mr Grant?

Alesha calls it the best entrance she’s seen on Strictly, but said “what you lacked in your jive technique, you made up for in entertainment”. Bruno called it an orbit of madness, which is perhaps his best comment of the season, while Craig deadpans “Dumbo springs to mind”. Then brings it back with “revolutionary”. Len thinks it was “an iconic number that will always be remembered”.

Scores: Craig: 5, Len: 6, Alesha: 6, Bruno: 7 Total: 24

Chelsee Healey – Chelsee comes out dressed a very pink take on Geri Haliwell’s Spice Girls dress. Fittingly, she’s dancing to Spice Up Your Life. She wowed us with a brilliant solo dance at the start, joined by her partner later on. A brilliant routine, and one that rightly receives a standing ovation from the audience.

Bruno is incomprehensible in his happiness with the routine, and Craig nitpicks something tiny which means he really loved it. Len said it “spiced up my night” and remarked it was a “proper samba”. Alesha told Chelsee that she captured the spirit of the samba.

Scores: Craig: 8, Len: 9, Alesha: 9, Bruno: 9 Total: 35

Jason Donovan – Closing out the show tonight is Jason and Kristina and a lively jive to Wham’s Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Donovan clearly knows how to work a crowd and he and Kristina worked that audience for all they were worth tonight. Do you think it’s a coincidence that they chose him to close out the big Wembley show.

Craig moans about Jason losing it during the kick section, but otherwise says it was amazing. Then why grumble? Len noted that Jason had worked his socks off on the kicks, and says that more and more lifts are creeping into the routines. Is that a bad thing? Alesha enjoyed the routine, and even Bruno was impressed, calling the routine amazing. Which was possibly the most used word tonight!

Scores: Craig: 8, Len: 8, Alesha: 9, Bruno: 9 Total: 34

View the original post Strictly Come Dancing 2011: Live At Wembley Liveblog! on Unreality TV

Lisa’s been keeping a tight eye on the lineup for this year’s I’m A Celebrity, but I’ll be discovering this bunch at the same time as everybody else! So pardon any spelling mistakes and inaccuracies – let’s just enjoy this first night of celebrity fun!

Meeting the celebs

Corrie’s Anthony Cotton promises to be irritatingly camp. And we don’t think he means the type with tents. Maybe he’s got the wrong end of the stick signing up for this show. Within minutes, Cotton is tap dancing with Stephanie Powers.

The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen on this show has come on screen. Mark Wright. Ugh. Disgusting creature. He struggles to explain the concept behind The Only Way Is Essex. I can do it in one word: shite. Lorraine Chase is next and gets shockingly little screen time. She must not be in a current ITV show. There is also a boobilicious model whose name I’ll pick up later.

Then its YAY DOUGIE POYNTER! Is there NO-ONE from MCFly who hasn’t done a reality sh0w this year? Good Lord. And Fatima Whitbread is thrown into the mix without much fanfare. A Scouse comedienne I’ve never heard of – Chrissie Rock – is next in. The world collectively goes “meh?” A little jockey dude called Willie Carson discovers that he’s the perfect height for the booby model’s boobs.

First impressions? Some of the most obscure celebs I’ve ever seen on the show. But that doesn’t mean that it’s going to be an all-out disaster – we’ve got no preconceptions about most of these folk, so it’ll be a voyage of discovery!

Chucking them into the jungle

Our intrepid celebrities are airlifted to the edge of the jungle. And for their first trial, they’re sent to live in a smelly cave for the night. Antony tells us that the cave smells of dead insects. The question on everybody’s lips is: how does he know what dead insects smell like?

Predictably, Fatima rearranges the forest to make beds and comfy living quarters for everyone while the men stand idly by. That’s right…the I’m A Celebrity crew tried to get them to sleep in a rancid cave and the celebs improvised outdoor beds! Score one to the celebs!

Later on, we’re pretty sure Chrissie pretended to sleep talk. Mark Wright so far is showing no signs of struggling to be on TV without his script. We’re increasinly thinking that Jessica-Jane Clement is going to be the Jordan to Wright’s Peter Andre.

And then it’s time for the helicopter dive!

Antony Cotton decides to throw a strop about the parachuting out of a helicopter bit. Which couldn’t have been much of a surprise because I’m A Celebrity has had this rite of passage for years. It’s the first time tonight we’ve thought: “You knew this when you signed up, you idiot!”

Thought: Celebrity parachuting loses its impact when the celebs are doing tandem jumps with professionals.

The other team are trekking through the jungle. Without anything interesting to report upon, Jessice Jane Clement entertains us by telling Willie Carson that “she loves her Willie”. Bet he’s never heard that one before. Elsewhere Stephanie and Dougie bring the giggles when they fall out of their canoe.

Celebrity revelation: Dougie Poynter says he sucks at rhythm. We didn’t want to be the ones to point it out…

Bushtucker time!

And finally Freddie Starr makes his first appearance just before the first bushtucker trial. And if you don’t mind us being passremarkable (it’s what you came here for, after all) he’s sporting quite the pot belly. Be interesting to see how much that changes after a few weeks of starvation!

And what’s that first trial? The celebrities are split into two teams and put into a see-saw style contraption. They’re suspended above a vile vat of fish guts in water…and they have to BITE the stars out of a selection of live bugs to avoid being dipped into the stinking concoction! It’s like bobbing for apples, but with creepie crawlies that can bite you back! Lorraine Chase’s team get off to a great start, but Freddie Starr struggles to get the first set of stars. He’s still on the first box while Antony Cotton is fishing his stars out of a box of cockroaches.

How ironic is it that Freddie Starr can’t find…a star?

Yellow team – including Lorraine, Mark Wright, Antony, Chrissy and Jessica-Jane – are the winners. Freddie’s team get dunked…and Stephanie Powers is not happy about it. This means that the two teams are split up with the yellows living in relative luxury while the reds live in awful Snake Rock.

Freddie has a minor emotional breakdown when he realises that he’s condemned his team to basic rations. Willie Carson is quite brusque with him, more or less telling him to pull himself together. The yellow team by comparison receive a food parcel of tasty food. Fatima runs around the camp kissing everybody.

Lorraine Chase makes us laugh when she calls going to the toilet a Jimmy Riddle. That’s going to catch on, isn’t it?

I’ve been trying to work out Freddie Starr’s remorse over the first task failure. But he seems legit. And he’s already addressed the hamster-eating story from yesteryear – he says it didn’t happen and Max Clifford was the man behind most of it. Then he also says that John Lennon was one of his friends and Ringo Starr was in his band at one point. Not sure what to believe here – what do you think?

Greasy Spoon – Head To Head

For the first head to head task, the public have predictably voted Mark Wright to be the first from the yellow team to do a bushtucker trial. And for the red team, it’s equally predictable: Freddie Starr! Chrissy Rock reckons that Mark will ace the test because he’s the hungriest. Dunno about that, love!

Anyway, we’ll catch the results of that task tomorrow night. For now, I’m off for a Jimmy Riddle…

View the original post I’m A Celebrity 2011: Launch Night Live Blog! on Unreality TV

Tonight’s show kicks off with a group performance in an old Broadway stylee. We’re randomly thinking Brendan Cole’s new haircut makes him look like less of a preening peacock than usual. The professional dancers are joined by the rank amateurs celebrities for the finale of the number, with most of the guys forgetting when to raise their ridiculous top hats.

Holly Valance

Holly Valance dancing in a cage? It’s like the choreographers went in and stole the idea from my mind, Inception-style. Holly and Artem start off their routine sizzling together in the cage, but the routine inexplicably loses energy when Holly tries to do kicks toward Artem. Still, it was a reasonably steamy routine.

Len praises Holly’s smouldering intensity. Down, boy! Someone order that old fella a cold shower. Alesha tells Holly she was definitely sexy, but missing the feistiness. Bruno raves about how she did the dance, despite the little stumble. Craig, uncharacteristically, is positive about the bold storytelling throughout the routine, definitely helped by a solid song choice!

Score: Craig: 7, Len: 8, Alesha:7, Bruno: 8. Total: 30

Dan Lobb

Dan and Katya dance to Queen’s Somebody To Love tonight. After Dan giving Craig some harsh stick during his intro video, this routine should be beyond reproach, because Grumpy Judge will tear him apart. But…Dan’s not really doing anything breathtaking in this routine.

Alesha says that Dan has so much potential, but she’d have liked to see more fluidity in general in the routine. Bruno says Dan “looked like a casual relative of Katya” and also namedrops Freddie Mercury as someone he worked with in the past. Craig rips into Dan’s “awkward nature” and says he doesn’t dance between steps. Anything good, Craig? Apparently not. Len is more forgiving though – he criticises some of his fellow judges for wanting too much.

Score: Craig: 5, Len: 7, Alesha:6, Bruno: 6. Total: 24

Anita Dobson

Dancing a jive to You Can’t Stop The Beat from Hairspray, this is a good choice for Anita – she’s one of the weaker dancers, so we’re relying on her performances to be slightly comedic and entertaining rather than technically perfect. And Anita carries this well, big bubbly grin across her face throughout the routine, even if she’s sometimes behind on the moves!

Bruno’s full of compliments for Anita’s characterization, but points at her timing. Craig also hits out at her being “too loose” and very messy. He throws up his usual nitpick of pointing the toes. Len loves it – he calls it “fun, energetic, entertaining”. And Alesha agrees that the routine was entertaining and says the public won’t care too much if it wasn’t perfect.

Score: Craig: 6, Len: 7, Alesha:7, Bruno: 7. Total: 27

Alex Jones

Alex, or Christine Bleakley MKII as we like to think of her, is preparing to up her game tonight. And doing a Vienese Waltz to Memory from Cats, it’s pretty clear she’s not planning to be kicked out any time soon. The dancing’s exquisite and graceful, and Alex and James make the romantic atmosphere convincing. Beautiful routine.

Craig praises James for giving Alex a simple routine that doesn’t challenge her very much, but adds that he loved the routine. Len calls it “simply beautiful” and tells Alex she’s a winner. Alesha says that Alex is the most improved dancer. I’m not going to transcribe Bruno’s comments because his arsing around is starting to annoy me.

Score: Craig: 8, Len: 8, Alesha:8, Bruno: 8. Total: 32

Rory Bremner

After a brief masterclass from Lionel Blair, can Rory turn Craig’s negative comments around this week? I’m not sure. While he seemed to be quite good in the first week, his footwork does seem to be a bit frenzied in places tonight. On the plus side, I really like his height, it gives him a very suave vibe.

Len loves it though – the right song, right everything apparently. Alesha says that he held the character from beginning to end. Bruno picks up on Rory’s facial expressions during the dance and Craig – despite technical concerns – tells Rory that the routine was full of style. What the hell do we know?

Score: Craig: 7, Len: 8, Alesha:8, Bruno: 8. Total: 31

Lulu

Lulu and Pretty Brendan are dancing the rhumba tonight. Though looking at your costumes, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a Halloween theme this evening. Bride Of Dracula, anyone? An elegant routine, perhaps pulling off the same trick as Alex Jones – simple routine to mask the weaknesses?

Alesha loves the storytelling on this one and reassures Lulu she’s very elegant. Bruno says the choreography was difficult, but she did well. Craig shouts at Brendan about illegal lifts. Len’s not impressed with his by-the-book co-judge, he tells Lulu that sometimes you have to break the rules.

Score: Craig: 5, Len: 7, Alesha:7, Bruno: 7. Total: 26

Nancy Dell’Olio

I think I might fancy Nancy a wee bit. That ruffled red dress and the black stockings? Yum. But we’re here to talk about dancing, aren’t we? Well, I love the chemistry between Nancy and Anton Du Beke, and there’s a fair bit of passion in this routine. Although by the end of it, Anton was shaking her like a rag doll.

Bruno calls Nancy a tempestuous temptress and says her performance was much improved this week. Craig completely disagrees, saying she was like a plodding mule. Bruno fights her corner. Len tells her that it was so terrible last week, anything would have been an improvement. But this week, he says it was all style and no substance. Alesha notes the improvement, but it looks like her crutch this week is going to be storytelling. She’s mentioned it in virtually every comment.

Score: Craig: 4, Len: 5, Alesha:5, Bruno: 6. Total: 20

Audley Harrison

Nobody’s going to even notice Audley in this routine, since Natalie Lowe is wearing a hot midriff exposing costume. My only thought is “He’s obscuring my view!” Get out of the way, Audley! To be fair, even Audley’s fun to watch in this routine, but this isn’t as good as last week.

Craig takes him to task on timing, but says it was lighter than he’d anticipated and loved the acting. Len tells Audley that his footwork needs improvement, but compliments him on a job well done. Alesha loves his attitude and smiles and Bruno marvels at the size of Audley’s feet, saying he did a fantastic job at one of the most complicated dance styles.

Score: Craig: 5, Len: 6, Alesha:6, Bruno: 7. Total: 24

Robbie Savage

Robbie and Ola are dancing the tango to Voulez Vous. Excellent costumes. I think male and female viewers alike are going to enjoy the visuals on this one. Sadly, Robbie’s dancing is less than inspiring. His movements look laboured and clumsy in places.

Len tells him that he came out with great intent, but tells him he needs to work hard and get through it. Alesha tells him that the dance suits him, but neglects to mention the storytelling. Bruno makes more annoying noises. Even Craig comes in with nothing but praise on this one. Er, were we the only ones underwhelmed by that routine?

Score: Craig: 7, Len: 7, Alesha:8, Bruno: 8. Total: 30

Russell Grant

Here comes a foxtrot with the campest act in town. Russell and Flavia actually seem to have a good chemistry on stage. Russell looks like he’s enjoying the theatricality of tonight’s theme. The big guy in a white suit cuts a striking figure, and Flavia looks wonderful in a stunning yellow dress. So entertaining! Great routine.

Alesha calls Russell a guilty pleasure and praises his positivity. Bruno calls Russell uplifting and says he enjoys his performances so much. Craig wants Russell to take a more masculine approach. Has he met Russell? Len likens him to a little white cloud and makes an unfortunate remark about Russell’s little dickie. We won’t say any more…

Score: Craig: 6, Len: 7, Alesha:7, Bruno: 8. Total: 28

Jason Donovan

Time for Strictly’s star attraction. Jason Donovan revisiting Priscilla Queen Of The Desert equals Donovan at his strength. Dancing to Gloria Gaynor, the couple look brilliant, and when you watch Jason, it suddenly exposes some of the other acts as a little bit content free. This was energetic, fun and colourful. And perhaps Steps can take take inspiration from that feather dance?

Bruno calls it camp as Christmas, raves a lot. As usual. Craig has one word – stupendous. Len calls him The Midwife. Why? Because he keeps delivering. And Alesha delivers high praise to finish off.

Score: Craig: 9, Len: 9, Alesha:9, Bruno: 9. Total: 36

Chelsee Healey

Chelsee is dancing the cha cha cha this week to Begging. She’s crazy to look at – all bright colours, tassles and energy. But a bit like last week, it feels all a wee bit frenzied. Good song choice, but I found myself wondering who’s voting for this girl in the middle of some big household names? Has she got the fanbase to carry her through the competition?

Craig loved the timing, energy and spirit, but worries that it’s haphazard and “too disco”. Len tells her she needs to focus on the details, but loves that she gives her dances some welly. Some refinement there, I think. Alesha says that Chelsee is a joy to watch, but needs to fine tune things. Bruno might as well be talking Italian for all I can understand.

Score: Craig: 6, Len: 8, Alesha:8, Bruno: 8. Total: 30

Harry Judd

Here comes Mr McFly. Possibly a dark horse in this competition, Harry’s doing Greased Lightning from Grease. Topless. Well, that’s his place in the competition secured this week. Does he even need to dance? Bruno’s going to need hosed down. The routine is brilliant. Perhaps the most energetic of the night, Harry’s moves are spot-on and there’s a palpable excitement in the audience.

Len tells Harry he’s impressed. He says he’d have liked less messing about though. Alesha agrees, but says she liked it. Bruno is frothing at the mouth. In a good way, I’m sure. Craig drawls that Harry has finally arrived. He has nothing else to say.

Score: Craig: 8, Len: 8, Alesha:9, Bruno: 8. Total: 33

That’s all, folks!

That’s your lot for tonight, everybody. We’d love to hear who were your top performances of the night, and who deserves to go home tomorrow night. We’ll see you tomorrow to talk about the elimination!

View the original post Strictly Come Dancing 2011: Week 3 Liveblog! on Unreality TV

The Apprentice is back!!!

No more do reality TV addicts have to sit through hours of tuneless singers and left footed dancers, now we have some real prats to laugh at!

Lord Alan Sugar’s show returns for it’s seventh series this evening but it kicks off with a twist. No longer are the candidates vying for a job in his company – not that it matters, most of the winners end up leaving anyway – this year the person who impresses the Amstrad boss most, will receive £250,000 and enter into a partnership with Sugar in their own fledgling company.

And we’re off! The by-now standard montage of this year’s Apprentice contestants had some gems – a woman who doesn’t believe the sky’s the limit if there are footprints on the moon, and someone from Northern Ireland who we’re not sure whether to support or rip to shreds. It’s a Norn Iron thing…we love to support our own!

Thrown in at the deep end, Lord Sugar (not the Patron Saint of Bloody Losers, just FYI), has tasked the besuited moron squad with starting their own businesses with startup capital of…a paltry £250. And following the Apprentice tradition, the first teams are boys versus girls. Sent out to make money from a small wad of notes, Sugar expects a profit to be made on his investment. The cruel bastard.

Getting to know you

En route to their new executive abode, the Apprentices discuss what line of work they’re in – most of them already seem to run their own businesses. Just like Stuart Baggs from last year, eh? And look how that turned out.

The girls team spend a few moments sniffily trying to avoid team name cliches, but somehow end up with Venture. Melody becomes their team leader, which is great, because she’s been personally taught by the Dalai Lamma. Yeah, I’ve got a copy of The Little Book of Buddhism too, Melody.

The boys choose the ultra-macho Logic for their team name and Edward becomes their team leader by default. Simply because no-one else volunteered. We were so hoping that they’d get oiled up and wrestle for the honour of leading the team. The drips.

The food business

Aha! It turns out that the task is more specific than just starting any old wheeler-dealer concern. The Apprentices must make their money from fresh fruit and veg.

Team Logic blow their budget on a whole lot of tomatoes and oranges. What are they making? Tomato soup and orange juice, naturally. Somewhere else on Covent Garden, the ladies are looking at fruit salads and vegetable pasta. However, there’s a power struggle going on between the Accounts Department and the Purchasing Department. Yes, they really take their roles seriously on Team Venture.

The Northern Irish bloke (whose name I’ll look up later, honest) does a fantastically smooth deal for tomatoes, assuring his team mates they’re “going to make soup like we’ve never made soup before”. Those words could turn out to be strangely prophetic.

Leon gets a masterclass in how to make juice quickly from a team mate. Until they bust the juicer machine and have to squeeze the oranges (1,400 of them) by hand. Glenn makes a poor impression by transforming into a lairy dictator.

Later that day, we see the ladies selling loads of fresh fruit in the Canary Wharf shopping center. They’re doing a roaring trade, but the problem is that the vegetable pasta isn’t quite as appetising. It occurs to me at this point that the girls have created quite a bureaucracy while the boys are a disorganised shambles.

Oops, spoke too soon. It seems Venture have problems getting supplies out to Canary Wharf, so the team there run out of stock. So, Melanie’s sale team race to the aid of their floundering team mates at Euston Station. And the boys seem to be on the up and up too. Vincent’s smooth devil patter with female office workers goes rather well, to Karren Brady’s obvious annoyance.

Boardroom

First time back in the boardroom for this series. Edward gets a minor bashing for his disorganised leadership style and poor planning. Edward, our great Northern Irish hope, gets a fine commendation from Karren Brady for his own skills. Lord Sugar gives Edward some heat for not having his selling price worked out before he paid for the ingredients. “I’ve been told that your team name is Logic….good luck with that name.”

Melody receives glowing commendations from her team mates. Apart from grumpy Edna, who glowers in the background, sulking about being allocated the role of finance manager.

Team Logic took £339.20 from their juice operation and £92.93 on the soup. £432.13 in total. Team Venture made £37.28 from their vile pasta concoction, while the fruit salad operation made £555.05. £592.33 in total. Team Venture get sent away to a champaigne afternoon in their new digs.

Elimination

Team Logic retreat to the Apprentice cafe with their tails between their legs. There’s not a lot of in-depth analysis as to how they failed, and they seem to have adopted an “every man for himself” attitude. So, back to the boardroom…

Edward gets instantly attacked with his own words from his application form: “If my team loses, I’ll blame the project manager…” Except he’s the project manager. Uh-oh. Karren also jumps in to say that she never once saw anything written down as a plan. Everyone agrees. Edward comes up with an unconvincing “I was being too ambitious” explanation which is actually risible.

Leon gets criticised for breaking the juicers. I felt Drill Sergeant Glenn deserved some of the flack for pushing too hard and ensuring the machines got overworked. Ultimately though, Edward brings Gavin and Leon back into the boardroom for elimination.

When Edward tries to call Gavin useless, Karren points out that Gavin sold the second highest number of units. The thrust of Edward’s argument is that Gavin ‘sheepishly’ volunteered to be project leader. He then goes on to damn Leon for the breakdowns in the kitchen.

Gavin gets an early reprieve, but Leon doesn’t sell himself very well. Most of his discussion with Lord Sugar is a slightly toady lot of brown-nosing. However, The Sugar seems to have taken an instant dislike to Edward and his incredible lack of maths skills. And yes, Edward’s the one who gets the Finger Of Doom tonight.

Tonight’s lesson: Never, ever, put yourself forward as the Project Manager. They almost always get fired. Unless of course you’re a good project manager.

View the original post The Apprentice 2011: Episode 1 – Liveblog on Unreality TV

Welcome everybody – I’ve been chosen from absolutely zero applicants to liveblog tonight’s Junior Apprentice. Yes, I’ve been told I’m watching this. Gulp.

So, we’re getting a bunch of swotty schoolkids instead of the usual bumbling second hand car salesmen. Regular Apprentice is still postponed until the autumn, so we get six episode of this to compensate!

There are ten school children in the boardroom. They chant “Good morning Lord Sugar” like it was morning assembly. Er…while Sugar lays down the law for the apprentices, we get a shot of a kid with a full beard! Who is this wolf boy? Is he an adult apprentice in disguise? “But…but…I was trying to show Lord Sugar how enterprising I was…” He’s probably 40.

Introductions to Sugar’s assistants: Karren Brady (replacing sexy Margaret) and Nick Hewitt. He warns them not to mess up the house he’s (or The Beeb) rented for them. Arjun scares the bejesus out of me. He talks like he’s a veteran of thousands of job interviews. The others are equally frighteningly grown-up. Jordan is the director of his own company.

Tim Ankers (aka wolf boy) has a very unfortunate surname. Let’s hope he’s a nice guy.

The girls and boys split down the gender divide and are tasked with nominating a leader and naming their group. The boys settle on Instinct and nominate Jordan to lead the group. The girls settle for The Revolution and let Hibah be their leader.

First task

The kids get woken up at 6am for their first task. They file out, get into the customary black people carriers and give the cameras some smack talk. They meet Lord Sugar in his old school where he asks them to sell a load of cheese. Yes, cheese. £500 worth of the stuff.

Both teams unwittingly decide to sell in the Covent Garden area. Tim has the sparkling idea of “Credit Crunch Lunch”. Hibah does a quick stock take before setting out. The guys set up stall pretty quickly, but they don’t know their cheddar from their stinky bishops. And to make matters worse, Jordan manages to wrong-foot his team by being very clearly the delegator. He’s clearly got no intention of getting his fingers cheesy.

On the other hand, the girls seem to be running a far more professional outfit – Zoe in particular is a key salesperson. The boys eventually come up with their own strategy – the Credit Crunch Lunch, which they make for 25p and sell for £2. However, when the lunch trade dries up, the guys have to try new tactics.

For the next 20 minutes, all we hear are different voices saying “Do you want to buy some cheese?” Two ladies take the piss out of Arjun for his genetalia-shaped Italian cheese. Maybe they should hit the red light areas? This is the bit of The Apprentice I love – where the businesslike facade crumbles and the contestants look like desperate idiots. There must have been a few people munching on cut-price cheese at the end of that day, I can tell you.

Boardroom scenes

There’s some bitchiness among the girls between Hibah and Zoe – with most of them feeling that Zoe took over somewhat, although it looked to me that she’d got the most work done.

Sugar picks up on Tim’s lunch packs but questions why they didn’t make more when they proved popular. It turns out that the girl’s team make a profit of over £100, which the guys make a serious loss. Heads are going to roll. And it should be Jordan who gets the chop. The girls meanwhile head off to a top London restaurant for some swanky nosh.

The lads head for a cafe, and Jordan does the nasty leader thing, blaming Rhys for his bad attitude toward his leadership. We like Rhys. All of the guys begin floundering for excuses and pointing the finger at each other. Jordan brings Rhys and Tim back into the boardroom. To be honest though, I think it’s Jordan who should go. He’s being a bit slimy and selling out his team members rather than taking the blame.

I don’t know if you’ve got this recorded folks, but have a look at this Jordan guy again. Imagine him with a bald head, scar down his face and his pinky finger to his lips…he’s Doctor Evil! Thankfully, he gets sent home before he can hold the world to ransom with a “laser” and a miniature lookalike. What’s galling is that on his trip away from the office, he talks about how he’s “better” than some of the remaining contestants. Not your finest hour, child.

Gerry’s final thought

Like the Springer-ism? Hoped you would. Bit of a question for you, readers – how smart was it to put this on at 9:00pm? Surely it should have been on CBBC in order to inspire the new generation of Young Tories to start their own businesses? Instead, we had stacks of evil adults – myself included – sneering at these scary mini-adults and their premature business-speak. Just wondering (out loud) if this was a smart idea. It was certainly entertaining in a cruel, poke fun at the kids kind of way…

View the original post Junior Apprentice 2010 – first show, liveblogged on Unreality TV

First act is Christine Wilks, describing herself as a tripple threat: singing, dancing and playing an instrument. Clearly not prepared for Simon’s onslaught of questions, she reverts to cliches and claims she wants to take over the world. Oh lordy, she was more entertaining when she was aspiring to take over the world. Piers tells her “I haven’t seen moonwalking that slow since Neil Armstrong.”

Come on BGT, I need to see a good act tonight.

Second act is Sinead Carroll who’s come to play guitar and pogo at the same time. She achieves three buzzers in record time. Simon calls it “just stupid”. It was.

James Aitchenson describes himself as a singing bodybuilder. Strangest gimmick ever. As Piers pointed out, he wasn’t good at either the singing or the weightlifting. Next up is Tia Brodie the mostly naked fire-eater. Amanda is impressed with how she singes the hair off her legs. Can I just say, from the pics I saw of her earlier today, she’s got a fine set of jubblies.

Indigestion moment…

Now for something completely disgusting. The Regurgitator. Stevie Starr, who swallows large objects and lets us listen to them rattling around in his stomach. Betcha he’s a real hit with the ladies. Hell, he can even regurgitate on demand. Now that’s a talent! Still, you have to wonder how many times he’s been hospitalised practising that act…

Piers called it “pretty compelling to watch”. Cowell earns a fantastic story from him – when he was a child in a children’s home, he used to swallow his money to protect it. Must be Scottish.

Animal acts stink

You’re going to love this next act – a guitar-playing dog. Simon says “I like old, nobody-likes-me kind of dogs.” Melissa Serpico is the handler and Laika is the dog clad in pink. Laika doesn’t get much strumming action in, until Simon insists on seeing it play. Sadly, the dog simply cannot be arsed. Oh Melissa, what were you thinking? Simon: “I’m sorry, but you sold us a dud here.” Three no’s, and Simon resists the urge to utterly destroy Melissa. You can see the strain on his face.

Li Dore and Star the pig are a complete disaster. Some cliches are cliches because they’re true – never work with children or animals. Neil Riseborough ‘entertains’ the audience with snail racing. Cowell declares it a “complete and utter waste of time”. Ant snail tries to hump Dec snail. Louise Sinclair tries to do horse-based gymnastics, but the horse leaves a little present on the stage.

Classical toffs freak us out…

The Arrangement are a group of classical musicians from Oxford. They promise big things if they can stay on long stage long enough. Oh. They’re doing a classical version of Black Eyed Peas. Tom the vocalist has the freakiest singing ‘face’ I’ve ever seen. He’s a horrible singer. Horrible. But the arrangement works, the backing music is fantastic. If only they had a better frontman. Amanda gushes “it was just genius”, Piers calls it “a brilliant idea, brilliantly executed”. The voice of reason, Mr Cowell: “It was like you were performing at the school ball and somebody spiked your drinks”. They get through. But you need practice, guys!

Piers and Amanda briefly discuss what side of the bed they like to sleep on. Get a room, guys. Though sensible to have these types of discussion before hopping in the sack.

Lady BlaBla

Max Oliver turns his predeliction for wearing women’s clothing into a possible career move by doing a Lady Gaga act. It’s a performance that wouldn’t be out of place on a sketch show, but no-nonsense Simon buzzes him almost straight away. “If we’ve already got Lady Gaga, why do we need you?” Piers and Amanda side with the audience, who lapped it up, but you know there’s no future in this act. Piers and Amanda need to stop acting like Louis Walsh, putting through crap acts to annoy Simon. How’s Max going to entertain us beyond one bad Lady Gaga impersonation?

A magic moment…

Gymnastic troupe Spellbound put on an amazing show. I’m talking about some gymnastic feats I’ve never seen the like of before – shows of bodily strength and dexterity that mean for once a BGT act lives up to its name. They actually use a girl’s body as a skipping rope! Amazing. Crowd is going nuts! Spellbound, you saved this show!

Amanda Holden describes it as “faultless”, Piers talks about “this thrilling conclusion that had this whole theatre going crazy”. Three yeses from the judges. And Take That’s Rule The World to lift our spirits even further.

Singing accountant

Christopher Stone comes along at the insistence of his parents. He’s the ‘singing accountant’ you might have heard about, and possibly the Susan Boyle/Paul Potts moment Cowell was referring to earlier in the week. He’s got an amazing voice. But he’s conspicuously dressed-down, a bit geeky looking. Do we have to have this kind of ploy every series? Average Joe turns out to be an amazing singer.

I do think Briatin’s Got Talent repeats itself a little bit here. We had the opera-singing mobile phone salesman here. We had the singing Scottish spinster with mental health problems. Now we have the singing accountant. Will it be an estate agent next year? Who will be the “totally average member of the public who can sing like an angel”?

Still, big improvement on last week’s rather dull show. Picks of the night? Spellbound – just an amazing act with the ability to keep their act fresh. The Arrangement are a rough diamond, but there’s something clever in what they’re doing. A bit G4 (remember them?), but offbeat and captivating if they could sort out Singer Tom. Tia Brodie sneaked through, but I’m not sure her act can be that different each time. And she hasn’t got a hope in hell of getting in front of Her Maj with those nipple covers. Maybe she could consider tassels?

View the original post Britain’s Got Talent: Show 2 liveblogged! (24th April 2010) on Unreality TV

The show kicks off at 8:00pm on ITV1 – so switch on yer telly, get out yer laptop and chat about BGT here, or join in with the chatter on the Unreality TV forum.

Well, another year, another million, billion, trillion aspiring light entertainers queue up to be discovered via Britain’s Got Talent. There’s even a kid who can’t pronounce “Variety”, so it’ll be hard for him to claim being on the Royal Variety Performance has been “a lifelong dream”. Because we all dream about performing in front of The Queen, don’t we? No, not like that, you filthy minded readers

First up is middle aged lady band Double Take, who wax lyrical about the many levels of performance you can bang out of a tambourine. God love ‘em. They hardly elevate the timboral to the art form they had us all pumped up for, and get buzzed off before they get the chance to truly wow us. Simon insightfully tells us “that’s a tambourine with Christmas decorations attached”.

The Cheeky Boys, a Full Monty type act, make me spit up the pizza I had in my mouth. I know not everybody can match my level of physical perfection, but damn. Unappetising. A crazy woman with a parrot comes on to do something inexplicable. Gets buzzed off straight away.

Persephone Lewin tries to play trumpet with a penguin puppet on her hand. The best bit is when she gets buzzed, she blows up a glove with two fingers. Hopefully they caught her and returned her to the institution she came from.

Wearing a gold sequinned shirt – a guarantee of entertainment – Kevin Cruise comes on next. He has a reduced size ferry and despite Simon’s misgivings, he vows to prove him wrong. He gives the campest performance ever, and though we’re cringing across the land, we’re enraptured by this wonderful freaky man. Amanda Holden – that world-class talent scout – gives him a standing ovation. Piers vows to “go cruising with you any time”.

Circus act Pippa The Ripper earns high praise – cool looking girl spinning hula hoops. What’s not to like? Josh Warner Campbell wows everybody with his dancing. Simon gives a dodgy comment when he says “I see a little bit of myself in you.” The Ruby Girls perform a pretty lame routine for the judges, but get through merely on the basis that they’re scantily clad. Fair enough? No, not really.

22 year old Tobias Mead does a pretty smooth dance routine, including a very clever backwards performance as The Joker from Batman. Cowell looks genuinely impressed. Holden notes that “it was like your body was made out of liquid or something”. Piers is a little underwhelmed. He and Amanda have a little handbag fight for a minute, but everybody’s agreed: Tobias is through.

Birmingham auditions

Ah, with poor Simon suffering from flu, they draft in celebrity leprehaun, Louis Walsh. Idiotic acts and Irish acts, and any combination of the above will be put through. Piers calls Louis his brother and calls them “the dream team”. I love how Simon’s judges communicate in cliches.

First up for Birmingham is71 year old Michael Lavender, an animal impersonator. Er, straightjacket please. Michael is swiftly despatched to spend the rest of his days pretending to lay eggs. Weird. Louis Walsh ups the gay speculation when he buzzes off a scantily clas auditionee for absolutely no good reason. Another guy gets told by Louis that he needs some new material. Imagine the shame of being told that by Louis Walsh!

David Churcher tries to live his dream of being an audio book narrator for the Queen. He gets bumped pretty quickly. Little Chloe Hickinbottom wants to use the BGT prize money to buy a lifetime supply of leggings. And jeggings. You go, girl! She baffles everybody born in the last 60 years by choosing to sing a Vera Lynn song. I feel a sudden urge to ‘ave a street party, guv. Postwar spirit is alive! Great vocals though. All she needs is a “scratchy record” sound effect for added authenticity. She manages to distract the judges from buzzing her off. She’s through.

Louis gets out-Irished by gardener Jimmy Ford. Naturally, this proves my theory about Louis voting through anyone who’s Irish. He says “a million percent yes”, displaying his fantastic grasp of maths at the same time.

Cowell returns and gets voted off by Louis and Piers. Gotta say, Simon’s got to be quite funny in recent years. He introduces himself like a proper auditionee and tells the crowd his act is “moving Louis Walsh”.

Paul Hunt takes the stage claming to be a professional burper. I was at least expecting something musical, but he just roars out some filthy burps and that’s it. Your Majesty, you are missing a treat this year. Kieran Gaffney – the drummer kid from last year – returns with a band. His parents. Looks like Mrs Gaffney stopped off at Ann Summers for her stage costume. Amanda gushes at him about how good he was. Going as Mixed Emotions, this family trio completely lacked the magic of the kid drumming solo. It’s gonna be a disaster when this band splits.

Oh no! Sad piano music. They couldn’t hear themselves. Simon…have mercy! Yes, they let Kieran come back later as a solo auditionee. He starts off on shaky ground, but soon wows the judges as the solo warms up. Crowd goes wild. Amanda continues to gush at him. And the judges vote him through.

And that wraps it up for tonight ladies and gentlemen. Now, the big question for you lot is…did you see any acts that really stood out for you? Or are we waiting for the “somewhat unattractive auditionee who we think will be rubbish but will blow us away with their amazing singing talent”?

View the original post Britain’s Got Talent 2010: First episode, liveblogged! on Unreality TV

Now, the next idle thought – are songs from Wicked banned because this is a production of The Wizard Of Oz? Will there be deadly competition between both versions of Oz? Your thoughts…

Sophie and Jessica

Sophie: Sophie gives us a sass-less version of Shania Twain’s That Don’t Impress Me Much. Her voice isn’t well suited to this song at all, and the ‘acting’ is a touch wooden. Hotness: 7 for being a hot redhead, but marking down for weak performance.

Jessica: Much better singing from Jessica, a suitably big ballad. Yes, I’m feeling this. Good rendition. Hotness: 7 again. Looks gorgeous tonight.

Hancock said she was disappointed in both of them. Barrowman-lite admitted he spent more time looking at the backing dancers. I love it – back to his Syed-bothering ways! Lloyd Webber agrees with me that the songs didn’t suit them.

Bronte and Dani

Bronte: Giving us a musical theatre version of KT Tunstall’s Suddenly I See. It’s always borderline manic with Bronte, but she’s as cute as a button. I don’t think her performances have much weight beyond her being naturally bubbly though. Hotness: 8 – a beautiful girl

Dani: Surely singing Buble’s Home is the kiss of death on a singing competition? Does it indicate a subliminal desire to be eliminated? I find it very hard to warm to Dani as a Dorothy. She’s a little awkward and her voice was slightly wobbly (with nerves?) at the beginning of this. Hotness: 5 – not my type.

Again, fairly mediocre comments from the judges tonight. Dani gets slightly better feedback from Partridge and Church. Lloyd Webber gaffes by calling Bronte “Barbie”. Fantastic!

Steph and Jenny

Steph: Singing Bjork’s It’s Oh So Quiet, Steph looks hot in a metallic gold dress. She’s channeling 1930′s New York floozie in vocal terms, but compared with what we’ve seen so far tonight, it’s an electrifying, confident performance. Hotness: 9 – scalding.

Jenny: Singing Songbird (by Eva Cassidy), Jenny’s performance is done mostly from the bottom of the stage stairs. She looks pretty in a classy purple dress, but don’t forget, we’ve seen her without her make-up! Great vocal. These two are the best so far tonight. Hotness: 8 – loved her look tonight.

Good comments from Charlotte Church, who is wearing some garish glittery turquoise eye make-up. And really positive comments from Partridge and Hancock. The Lord, as Graham Norton so blasphemously calls him, is positively ecstatic about both performances. He spits out musical theatre trivia like he swallowed Judy Garland’s Wikipedia page.

Danielle and Lauren

Danielle: Don’t recognize the song, but what a feisty rendtion from Danielle. A few jarring tuning issues, but not enough to ruin the performance. Hotness: 8 – like the funky chick look.

Lauren: Singing Dionne Warrick’s I’ll Never Fall In Love Again, super-competitive Lauren is fun to watch as she runs through her repertoire of tragi-comedic faces. Good vocal, entertaining performance. Hotness: 7.5 – very demure look tonight.

Hancock gives glowing praise to both girls, predicting big things for Danielle regardless if she wins or loses this show. Partridge throws out positive feedback like he was moonlighting as a positive feedback machine. At the end of the commenting, Church has warned Lauren that she’s coming across as over-confident (I agree) and Lloyd Webber had to stop himself from giving the Dorothy gig to Danielle right now.

Emilie and Stephanie

Emilie: Giving the Aleesha Dixon song The Boy Does Nothing a dusting off, Emilie’s voice doesn’t suit this. Dixon can do fiesty, but Emilie is struggling with it. Looks hot in a too-short sparkling green dress. But very annoying. Hotness: 8 – boosted by the amount of hot thigh action.

Stephanie: Singing the shitty, played to death version of Smile (i.e. not the Lily Allen one), Stephanie makes a good effort of it. But unfortunately, this song makes me want to fall into a long, blissful coma. Hotness: 7 – pretty dress, and she wore it well.

Partridge’s comments are slightly more in favour of Emilie than Stephanie. Church suggests Emilie tries a ballad next week, but calls Stephanie’s Smile the performance of the night. Hancock thinks both could have tried harder with their interpretation.

Hot Dorothy of the evening…

Having seen the final group performance from Hairspray, I have to admit to being partial to Sophie (secret redhead fetish) – and she was much more comfortable in the group setting than during her solo performance at the start of the night. Steph and Bronte are gorgeous in different ways, and Danielle was notable for a confident performance and a funky look.

But – and I won’t waste time with any lengthy anecdotes about Charlie Chaplin playing piano one-fingered – despite what my scoring says, I think Sophie works best for me.

Over to you – who was your favourite tonight, and do you think the hotness-based posting format works?

View the original post Over The Rainbow – Blogging madness, 10 April 2010 on Unreality TV

Stephanie Davies & Lauren Samuels

Stephanie sings Pixie Lott’s Mama Do. They seem to be doing a lot of Pixie songs at the moment. Not that there are many, I suppose. Sassy vocals and she manages to look good in a yellow skirt.

She’s followed by Lauren, who sings Leona Lewis’ version of Run. We get a good look at her tonsils during this belter of a performance. Enjoyed her voice and how she tried to pump a bit of drama into it.

John: Both of these performances were leading lady performances. Stephanie – little miss Mama Do. I definitely do! And after that performance all the studio audience and everyone at home do as well. You’re a natural born entertainer. I loved it. Lauren – you took on a diva song and it required a diva to sing it. And you sang it. That was absolutely fantastic. Charlotte: Definitely. You’ve both got the voice to carry off a West End show and be Dorothy without a shadow of a doubt. Stephanie – you were so self-confident and you have every right to be, Lauren – you completely made that song your own. I’m in awe of your voice. Shiela: I’m gonna bang on about interpretation though. We’re not looking for a pop singer. We’re looking for somebody who can act a song. Lauren, you had a really good crack at it. Didn’t quite come through to the eyes yet. Andrew: I don’t want to get too deep into comments at the moment. I think both of you were terrific, and I hope I’ll see you next week.

Dani Raynor and Steph Fearon

Dani takes on The Saturdays’ Ego. She looks cute, but she’s uncomfortable on stage, especially when coming down the stairs. And her voice isn’t a patch on the previous two singers. Oh, the dancing’s so jerky. Not enjoying this one at all. Sorry.

Steph is up next and she’s singing Michael Jackson’s I Just Can’t Stop Living You. She’s great for the most part – beautiful and more self-confident than Dani. If I’m nitpicking, she sounded poor on the chorus first time round. But overall a better performance. I could see Dani going home after that performance.

Charlotte: I think Dani struggled a little bit with that one. I think your overall performance was good, I think the way your expression in the song was good. It was a little bit sharp in the middle. Not bad, but could do better. Steph – I love the tone of your voice, that high note in the middle was a little bit shaky. I really want to see you back next week. Shiela: I thought they both had a really good crack at it. I was really pleased with Dani, because I think she’s apt to think that the dimply smile is an advantage, and it’s crept in at other times. But you managed to keep it at bay. I thought you could have been angrier. Steph – it’s interesting, here’s a man who does yelps and yelps, and they always come from his gut. I thought you did get the meaning of the song, but it could have had more colours. I knew you were in love, but there were other things in there like amazement and fear. But I thought you both sang beautifully. John: Steph, you can tell that you are a girl about town. You came down those stairs effortlessly. I really enjoyed your performance. That big note in the middle, that was slightly pushed for me. I think less is more for you. Dani, I think you struggled a little bit with that. Be careful that it doesn’t become too presentational. Because when it becomes too presentational, it becomes a little stagey. When it becomes stagey, you’re losing the truth. Andrew: This is an intriguing situation, because Steph you are a fantastic singer, but your instinct is toward the big power ballad. I’m not sure that the home for you is the Wizard Of Oz. On the other hand, Dani I know your performance was very raw tonight. I’m not saying that you’re not a great singer, but I’m not saying that you gave a good performance, because you didn’t.

We break from the competition for a few minutes to see the wildcard Dorothys visiting Andrew Lloyd Webber’s estate (and we don’t mean council estate). He calls the ten into a room and announces the result of the public vote. It’s Emilie Fleming. She rejoins the final ten on stage while the nine rejects get booted off.

Amy Diamond & Danielle Hope

We heard Katie Stevens butcher Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry on American Idol the other week. Amy Diamond thankfully gives us a better, more tuneful version. It’s not a perfect vocal – and do we detect some covering up by a more prominent backing vocal? Still, she looks good, but perhaps a little too worldly for our Dorothy?

Danielle sings Daniel Merriweather’s Red, an excellent power ballad. It’s possible she’s oversinging it a little bit, but it’s still a good vocal and I like her voice.

Shiela: Amy is a fantastic performer. Very attractive. What worries me is that Dorothy is a girl who looks at things straight in the eye. She never uses guile, she never uses girliness. If she did, the relationship with the Wizard and the three men on the road might become very suspect. It’s got to be a girl that is absolutely straight, doesn’t flutter her eyelids. Danielle I thought was terrific, you could go further. It was an intelligent interpretation. That would focus it, I think. John: You’re going to have to start being less MTV and more West End. You’re going to have to be less Diamond and more Dorothy. Danielle, that was another song where you had to sing on your break. It’s making me wonder how much range you have in your voice. I’d have liked to see you go for those top money notes. Charlotte: Amy, that was really good, you’ve got a really lovely voice. I’d like you to straighten it out a little – less R&B, you don’t always have to riff and stuff. Danielle, I thought the interpretation of it was brilliant, I really believed you. But it was to the detriment of the vocal a little bit. Andrew: To Amy: I think you’d be fantastic in Legally Blonde, that would be ideal for you.

Emilie Fleming

Our wildcard contestant gets to perform on her own. She’s singing Kelly Clarkson’s Breakaway. I’m not convinced. She’s a tad wobbly, possibly nerves affecting her voice. The judges may enjoy her interpretation though, she seems to be ‘acting’ it slightly more than others have done.

Charlotte: Maybe you’ve lost a bit of your self-confidence, but you should take so much confidence from the  fact that the general public voted you through. I think that lacked a little bit of vocal control, and you need to work on that because you’ve got a big instrument. Shiela: I didn’t want her to go in the first place. You have to fight back – you sort of did, but not enough. John: Watching you on VT, you’re a really gutsy, feisty girl, and I just wish you’d put a bit of that personality into that performance. I just feel that it was a little bit lacking. Andrew: I agree with Shiela. I think you deserve to be here. I do hope you go further in the competition, because you’ve got everything that Dorothy should look like.

Bronte Barbe and Jessica Robinson

Bronte treats us to I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt. An almost spellbinding version, simple and earnestly sung. Nice to see her wearing her nightshirt on stage.

Jessica drags Amy Winehouse out and sings Rehab. She earns a jowly shake of the head from Lord Andrew. I think vocally it improved as the song progressed, but some of Jessica’s facial expressions bordered on manic.

John: Quite similar performances in that neither of these girls has the best voice in the competition – but they make the best of what they have. Jessica, you took a contemporary song and you made it musical theatre. You’re the first girl to do that tonight, so you should be commended for that. Bronte, it was a good performance. Did it blow me away? No. But it was competent. Charlotte: Bronte, I think you’ve got the most natural beautiful voice of all the girls in the competition. The vocal was spotless, but it’s one of the saddest songs and I didn’t get that from you at all. Jessica, you have not got one of the most natural voices, but I didn’t care, because that was unbelievable. Shiela: I think they both could have gone a little bit further. Jessica, there’s a childishness about that lyric, isn’t there? A hysterical childishness. I didn’t think there was enough frenzy in some direction. Bronte, terrific. I though the end was particularly lovely. Again, it’s a girl facing a very complex fact and you handled it beautifully. Andrew: Bronte, there’s something in your eyes that’s a little sad. I think there’s more that needs to come out. Jessica – that’s a pop song, very difficult to make as a theatre song, and you did it. You’ve got all the wit you could possibly have.

Sophie Evans and Jenny Douglas

Sophie sings us Beyonce’s If I Were A Boy. Massive potential for making this a dramatic number. It’s like she’s shouting at us through the television screen. She’s quite expressive with her arms, isn’t she? We like.

Jenny’s got a Pink song – So What? Plenty of attitude, and a lively performance, but she doesn’t look remotely as crazed as Pink did in the video for this song. We have a minor debate her on the sofa about whether it should be sung in a half-crazed, bitter style or if she should be happy to be moving on? What has Shiela Hancock done to us?

Charlotte: I thought that was brilliant Sophie. It’s a really really massive song, so some of the notes you did struggle on. Overall, I thought it was good, you’ve got a really beautiful tone of voice. Jenny, that was just brilliant, I loved it. Shiela: Two cracking performances. Jenny is so witty, physically and every other way. She absolutely lives it right from the fingertips. I thought you were wonderful Sophie. We know you can do radiance, because you just are (radiant), and we know you can do happy, but I didn’t know if you could do serious. I thought you did it beautifully darling. John: Jenny, once again, you’re the only girl who played a part throughout that whole performance. You knocked it out of the park again.

View the original post Over The Rainbow – show 3 liveblog – Saturday 3rd April on Unreality TV