Shahbaz Chauhdary

Via The Copydesk, The Guardian’s commentary on Big Brother 2006 is utterly scathing and a total riot!

Alright, it’s a couple of days out of date (Shahbaz was still in the house at the time), but there’s some excellent coverage. On the subject of Shahbaz:

Shahbaz spent his first few days in the hellhouse bouncing round the linoleum shrieking, blubbing, squealing and bear-hugging anyone within grasping distance. That was disturbing enough. But when, for some mad reason, this failed to win anyone over, he really went into meltdown - deliberately provoking arguments then playing the victim

And do I detect a less-than-lukewarm review of wide-boy Sezer?

a pint-sized, pixel-eyed, monotone, priapic, hair-gelled rodent, so in love with himself he probably masturbates to videos of himself masturbating

You could just see it, couldn’t you?

The others don’t escape lightly either. Lea is a planet-boobed sometime pornstar, Lisa is described as Lucy Liu channelling the spirit of Bez and the evil Nikki as a spoiled chimpette who throws tantrums like Geoff Capes throws fenceposts. Love it!

Like the rest of the planet, Pete Bennett is the favourite to win this year, by virtue of the fact that he’s actually a genuinely nice person.

After watching Nikki freaking out about eye make-up removal and bottled water and Shahbaz’s frequent rants, I’d be inclined to say Big Brother is a bit too indulgent of the housemates!

If I were Big Brother, I’d have the Diary Room rigged with traps and torture devices. What about a trapdoor in the chair that dumps whiners into a crocodile pit? Or a machine gun attached to the camera? How about lethal gas coming out of recessed vents to end the ceaseless complaining?

Actually, I suspect that this year’s Diary Room is also an incinerator. Just a hunch!

That said, some mental health agencies are concerned that the BB crew aren’t doing enough to care for the housemates. The Guardian has a good debate about whether Big Brother/Endemol actually cares about any housemate. One of the commenters sums the Shahbaz situation up pretty well:

Shabaz is clearly a vulnerable individual who is getting more and more deluded with each episode, while the others are using his mental distress and remoteness as a bonding exercise.

His own world of living alone in a Glasgow council flat is at odds with the others’ view of him as a flamboyant and self-centred queen diva. It’s clear he saw the whole BB experience as his salvation. Alienated and evicted, I think he’d be a danger to himself.

Its irresponsible and degrading but agonisingly addictive viewing.

I agree. When the dust settles, ultimately Shahbaz will be remembered as an eccentric who couldn’t hack it in the house, and the madness will be a distant memory.

Chris Moyles likened Shahbaz to Lorainne Kelly, probably because LK is the Uber Scottish Woman. Me, I see him more as the missing cast member from Balamory, some sort of gay Scottish cartoon character….

It’s a funny situation when someone ranks as more irritating than Pete’s Tourette’s, even living at close quarters!

I’ve just watched the evening’s highlights, and while I think he’s a generally nice guy, he comes across as annoying at best - unhinged at worst. He. Just. Doesn’t. Stop.

He took a serious blasting from the other housemates, and Richard pulled him aside and asked him to ‘tone it down’. Shahbaz - despite being in his late 30’s - reacted like a child and took everything personally. Eventually, Shahbaz decided he was going to leave, only to be told by Big Brother that he couldn’t.

Damn! Although he started off being quite entertaining, could Shahbaz already be outstaying his welcome?