No, I don’t mean appearing on. The Guardian’s TV critic Charlie Brooker takes on the mighty popularity of The X Factor. In the most recent article, Brooker describes X Factor as:

one of the nation’s favourite shows, possibly because in these uncertain times, its never-changing, crashingly predictable nature means it represents a reassuring foothold of stability in an otherwise unpredictable world. Either that or millions of people like to point and laugh at losers.

I don’t think that’s true. Unlike BB, X Factor treats its subjects with warmth and good humor no matter how nutty they may be. Maybe that’s because they’re not on our TV screens every day for 13 weeks running, though!

I caught a clip the other day of Trevor Hodgson (wimpy teenager from last year with an amazing voice) at the auditions. He looks a hell of a lot more mature this year. It’s great to see this kind of continuity between each series and again, unlike BB the contestants are generally talented. And even the ones who aren’t participate in good fun.

Anyway, Brooker has conceived of a game to play during the audition process - you have to spot the X Factor cliche. Here are a few examples:

• Deadpan Simon Cowell put-down that doesn’t include the word “worst” - 50 points.
• Leering sexual remark from Sharon Osbourne - two points.
• Kate Thornton embraces blubbing rejectee - one point. (Additional point if it all goes slow-motion and they put a bit of Coldplay over the top of it.)

Despite the unnecessary criticism, the game might actually be worth a go. I’ve opened a thread on the forum if you want to play along with us! See if you can spot any cliches NOT on Brooker’s list!

You know a new series of X-Factor is on the horizon when the number of stories about Simon Cowell start to increase, don’t you?

The Mirror broke the story of Cowell’s alleged affair with Jasmine Lennard. I’m somewhat sceptical about this - Cowell is the master of complex publicity stunts, and this could be one of many designed to draw the4 attention of the media in the run up to this year’s series of X-Factor.

Think about it. You’re Simon Cowell, you’ve been caught by the tabloids cheating on your girlfriend. You’re meeting her to explain the situation. Why wash your dirty laundry in the house when you can have a public argument in Starbucks? Clever move Cowell, but you can fool this Mullet!

X-Factor is one of the reality shows Tabby and I get really excited about, because it gives genuinely talented people a shot at the big time.

Expect a few stories about Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne to hit the tabloids over the next couple of weeks! Don’t call me cynical!

X Factor hopefuls have complained that last years X Factor winner Shayne Ward and the shows host Kate Thornton, mocked them and made obscene gestures as they auditioned at the weekend.

The Sun reported

One, Shannon Sellick said: “A year ago Shayne was one of us, queueing for his big chance.

“Now he’s looking down on us, making a mockery of us. I was disgusted by his behaviour.”

But a spokeswoman for Kate said they were simply waving at Destiny, Shayne’s old bandmates, and other people he has met through the show.

She added: “She did not mean to offend anybody and apologises if she did so.”

Some people just can’t take a joke!

If you wanted to appear on the X Factor 2006, and strut your stuff for Sharon Osbourne, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell, then Sunday was your last chance.

The X Factor open auditions were this year held at Old Trafford in Manchester and no less than 10,000 hopefuls queued to get in, many camped out overnight in a bid to be the first to sing their hearts out.

The Mirror reports

Danny Sax, 40, made sure he was first in line by arriving 36 hours before the doors opened. Londoner Danny, clutching his saxaphone, said: “I want to be on TV and get a recording contract then travel the world.”

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Gary Surtees, 39, wore a Union flag suit in an effort to catch the judges’ eye. Gary, an IT support worker from Nuneaton, Warwicks, said: “I got here at 3am to make sure I got an audition. I’m going to sing some soul music to show I’ve got the X Factor.”

Sophie Way, 16, from Southampton, said: “I’m going to sing my heart out - I want to be a star.”

And Ali G fan Pete Cherry, 54, from Suffolk, predicted: “I’m going to knock ‘em dead with Elvis Presley’s In The Ghetto.”