Alexandra Burke popped up on tonight’s Dancing On Ice to perform her latest single All Night Long (no relation to the Lionel Richie track of the same name).

We were expecting great things from the former X Factor winner, however she stood on a podium, barely moving throughout the performance, clearly in mortal terror of the slippery ice just inches away.

I’d like to say I liked the song at least, but I don’t. American Idol judge Randy Jackson would have called her singing ‘pitchy’ which would have been an understatement. And the more suspicious thing was that the members of the national press that we follow on Twitter were raving about it. Calling it a classic and her best work yet. Either they’re collectively high on something, or there’s a conspiracy at the highest levels of the mainstream media. You decide…