Tonight’s theme was Michael Jackson. Not that you’d know it since 50% of the songs chosen were technically Jackson 5 songs.

Now, someone should tell ITV that Jackson isn’t called the King Of Pop for nothing. With the exception of two songs, every tune was turgid, slow muck. Where was Smooth Criminal, Bad, Thriller and Speed Demon?

1. Diana Vickers – An improvement even on last week’s performance, Diana has become much more confident and her individual style makes her our favourite this week. Can she keep the standard high throughout the competition?
2. Eoghan Quigg – As the man with the flat hair and high waistband said, it was an honest performance from Eoghan, and while he may not be the strongest voice in the competiton, he’s a natural on stage.
3. Alexandra Burke – Alexandra suffered from boring song choice. Despite a strong vocal performance, I’ll Be There couldn’t properly let Alex showcase her voice.
4. Austin Drage – The Drage pulled off a daring reinterpretation of Billie Jean which impressed the judges on our sofa, I can tell you. Austin may have put a bit of distance between himself and arch-nemesis Scott tonight.
5. Laura White – Laura fluffed the first part of her performance of You Are Not Alone, singing like she had a mouthful of sweets. Despite a good recovery in the second half, it didn’t do her any favours tonight.
6. Scott Bruton – Scott had to improve on last week’s performance, but despite all that, Eoghan and Austin seem to have more of a following. Of all the under 25 males, Scott is the one we least expect to see in the finals.
7. Ruth Lorenzo – Should she sing Spanish or should she not? We think that would be a bad move for the hot senorita – she needs to find an identity, but flogging bilingual cover versions isn’t a way to sell records. Does anyone else think Cowell is saboaging Ruth with that advice?
8. JLS – The boyband we love to..er…like. They got lucky with an actual good Jacko song, but muffed it with some bad tuning. Funny though, that the judges happily overlooked that little problem in favour of bigging up the boyband.
9. Rachel Hylton – Rachel picked her own song tonight, and Dirty Diana was an inspired choice. Unfortunately, the microphone coming from the roof limited her movement and she ended up stuck on top of two Marshall amps. Not the rockin’ performance that the song deserved!
10. Daniel Evans – Apparently you aren’t allowed to address Daniel Evans without saying “You’re a really nice guy, but…” and the “but” will mostly be followed by “why are you wasting your time on this competition”. Daniel is a lovely guy (see?), but in the name of Brookstein, who’s going to buy his records?
11. GirlBand – The Girl Band who should have gone last week come bottom of the chart this week…just for existing. Not really, it’s just that they’re not much good. If all’s right in the world, they’ll be going home this week.

…and the honourable mentions…

Best cover of a cover of an original song: Austin Drage, with props to the producers for trying to suggest he was putting his ‘own interpretation’ on Billie Jean, then Louis and Simon outing it as based on the Chris Cornell version from a couple of years ago.

Most irritating judge: Dannii Minogue, for managing to say absolutely nothing of consequence to any of the acts. They should just pre-record her saying “it was a fantastic performance”

The Bruce Forsythe award for being doddery: Mr Simon Cowell for managing to forget yet another contestant’s name. Nothing makes people feel more special than when you forget their name on national TV.

Best barefoot performance: Diana Vickers cements that quirky, hippy image by taking to the stage in her bare feet.