Virtually all hope lost, last night’s auditions show was a more successful effort than the previous four. Tonight is the sixth live audition show for X Factor, and we greet it with a familiar mixture of dread and just-get-on-with-it impatience.

First up is a slightly starey-eyed duo, pub act Tom and Paul, ahem…professionally known as Them Two. Not for the first time this series, Simon reaches for his buzzer and inwardly curses because he’s not on Britain’s Got Talent. It can only be described as ‘horrible’ and that’s the word Mr Cowell uses. Even the audience’s enthusiasm for the freaky acts is on the wane, and Them Two sort of shuffle off after their inevitable rejection.

Wide-eyed Faye Carford wanders onto the stage taking on an Amy Winehouse song. Louis Walsh has coined a new term this series – “I like you, I just don’t like your singing” – and he uses it to great effect here. Jarrod Morrison follows with a spasmodic version of Jacko’s Beat It after which he takes off his clothes, comfirming some lack of faculties as he misunderstands the audience’s chanting of “Off off off”. I wouldn’t want to be standing next to him on the Tube, let me tell you.

Former One True Voice-r Daniel Pearce returns to reality TV after spending the last seven years being referred to as a flopstar. Singing Seal’s Kiss From A Rose, he impresses everybody, getting a respectful standing ovation from former chart-rival Cheryl Cole. Louis gushes about him, Simon gushes about him, Cheryl gushes about him too. Seems like a nice guy, and we like the thought of him making a big comeback as a solo singer!

Despina Pilavakis does a decent version of a song we don’t actually recognise and gets through to the next round. She wants to be ‘everywhere’ which sounds vaguely slutty. But hey Nicole Jackson does a passable job, but I feel like I saw her on an earlier episode. Siren come along next looking like Leona Lewis’s long lost sistas. Bar manager Graziella “sails through” to the next round also at the end of a dizzying array of good acts.

Brother and sister duo Casyr (yes, a name that sounds a bit like a cough) manage to confuse the judges with their name. Some auditionees give it 110%, but it sounds like Casyr are really only investing 15% in this audition. Maybe they’re saving their energy for something more important? Resounding rejection, but they decide they’re going to come back next year to bore us all over again. Fab!

Steve Lee captivates the nation’s hearts with his out of tune version of When You Believe – recycling a hit for an X Factor flop like Leon Jackson isn’t a sound strategy anyway. Whoops. A singer called Melody comes on after and Louis aptly says to her “No, Melody” and we all go wild for that double meaning. And the girl judges trick another contestant into removing his top, but then they forget to listen to his singing.

Next up is much talked about contestant Scott James – an Aspbergers sufferer whose passion is for singing. Unfortunately, he opts for the dirge-fest of You Raise Me Up, which you kind of already guess will segue into the massive chorus of the original (does Simon’s crowd own the rights to that one?) Don’t get me wrong, he’s got a great voice, and his appearance is slightly deceptive, masking his abilities. I just hate that song. The judges are supportive and Scott is emotional on stage as he gets all four votes and the obligatory wink from Cowell.

I clocked a comment on Twitter that said “if he didn’t have autism, we’d be saying he was an average singer”. A good talking point, that. Not only for the obvious “can he be a star” question, but the Susan Boyle related “can he handle the pressure of the live shows”? I’d be interested in your comments, folks.

And old Eileen from last night comes back for a re-audition with a backing track this time. It’s every bit as bad as it was before, and the judges dispatch her quickly while Simon phones his legal team to arrange a restraining order…

Even the security guards from Harrods want to be famous, and unlike Eileen they score with the judges. Girl groups Trucolourz and Project A get through by singing Lady Gaga’s Just Dance. Daniel Fox brings the house down, and Rachel Adedeji returns after an unsuccessful audition last year. All of this batch get nothing but good vibes from the judges, and we’ll see them at boot camp.

We recognize the next auditionee from today’s papers – bubbly Aimee Buck is looking to follow in Cheryl’s footsteps. She sings Alicia Keys’s Falling. Cheryl gives her a bit of negative feedback, and Simon continues with the criticism by saying her voice isn’t good enough. Aimee breaks down, but shrewdly suggests she sings a Girls Aloud song. Conveniently, the CD for I’ll Stand By You is already in the CD player. Still, even with Cheryl helping her with the lyrics, she fluffs the lyrics (not a good sign) and Cheryl gets up on stage to give her a bit of support. Oh it warms our cockles, but doesn’t give much hope for Aimee’s singing career. Louis makes a bad joke that isn’t worth repeating, and the judges vote her through anyway.

But here’s a dire warning: forgetting lyrics doesn’t go down well in the live rounds. Can’t help thinking that Aimee’s heartwarming story has already ended badly.

Curtis Moore is the next auditionee, drawing his sob story from the poor background/difficult upbringing box. He’s distinctly average, but since we’re getting all this backstory and he’s not a freak, you can tell the judges are going to push him through. Simon tells him to “stop being such a smart arse”, but reveals that he really likes him despite his attitude. His emotional foster-family watch backstage, while I scratch my head wondering what makes this kid different to the other mid-level singers who got rejected.

Happily, the show descends into the post-audition merriment and a big video montage of the live auditions. We breathe a sigh of relief that the weirdness is over and we can focus on the boot camps now. And we get a sneak preview of the boot camp from next week, showing some tense scenes as people’s dreams really get smashed! Hooray!