Damn, damn, damn. We watched Merlin tonight, so missed the first half-hour of X Factor. Thanks to the magic of Sky+ though, we’re catching up right now!

What follows is our account of this evening’s show – as we watched it, what we thought of each performance and what the judges said. Share your thoughts in the comments!

The evening started off with…

Girlband

GirlBand kick off the show with their version of Venus by Bananarama. What did you think of the brightly coloured dresses with big lips on them? A good performance, considering we’re loving Bad Lashes a bit more for the competition.

Dannii: That was great. Cheryl: You had the hardest job of all, opening the show, but I loved it. Simon: Predictable song, predictable styling…like a bunch of Girls Aloud rejects. Louis: I am very proud of you – you’ve come a really long way.

Austin Drage

Austin Drage takes to that stage with his new Emo haircut. Big sob story about how he was a nerd, but he’s better now. And he starts singing – Every Breath You Take by The Police. And someone should call the police on this performance, he’s trying to do something different by being awful and murdering the song. The judges must have heard a different performance though, because they love it.

Louis: You look like a pop star, you’ve got a really soulful voice. Dannii: God, you do nervous sexy, the perfect song for you. Simon: That was 60% of your potential and I know there’s a ton left in reserve (i.e. don’t vote him out tonight, folks).

Daniel Evans

Dannii introduces him as ‘the man with the velvet voice’. Don’t forget folks, this competition could completely change his life. He’s worried that he’ll forget the lyrics – yikes!

His song is I Wanna Know What Love Is, and he starts looking nervous and emotional. Simon is caught staring doubtfully at the camera…what does that mean? Anyway, our Daniel is rooted to the spot, the singing improves as the backing singers rise to drown him out. Sorry, but you don’t got the X Factor on this one Daniel.

Louis: A good song, but it didn’t work for me.  Very cruise-ship. You remind me of Ricky Gervais singing karaoke at a Christmas party. Cheryl: You look gorgeous, but as a recording artist I don’t know where you fit. Simon: It was like somebody singing in a pub. Dannii: You were very brave to get up there and share your story.

We’ve got to side with the judges on this one – nice guy, but never going to win this competition.

Alexandra Burke

First hottie of the night! Gorgeous Alexandra isn’t relying on more of a cover story than her working class background. She’s worried about getting the choreography and singing right. She appears on stage on a big set of steps, and launches into Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance WIth Soembody. Great voice, and an awesome up-tempo tune to really get things going. Lovin’ that dress!

All I can say is that I want Alexandra to go far in this competition. Did I say great voice? No – amazing voice!

Louis: You look like a diva, you sang like a diva. Dannii: You did all of that choreography incredibly. Simon: An obvious song choice, but you look fantastic and you managed to put your own interpretation on it.

He asks Louis to apologise for rejecting her three years ago, but they both agree that she’s ready for the competition this year.

JLS

If I remember last week, I said  traditionally a black vocal group like JLS won’t last long on X Factor – they never do. And they get the most unimaginative song ever – Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love To You.

I’m not sure about the choreography, but they’re all good singers – good that they get to showcase their individual voices at times. They’re a good group, here’s hoping they do well…

Dannii: The style of that song was shaky, but I loved it. Cheryl: You were professional, consistent…I loved it. Simon: It didn’t start very well, but you guys look like a group and you behave like a group. If you get your tuning right – and I think you will – you could be the best group we’ve ever had on X Factor. Louis: You’ve got it all and I believe in you 100%

Scott Bruton

The look on Louis Walsh’s face says it all. Apparently the song is called Yeah Yeah, but we didn’t know – we had to look it up! He’s going to get crucified on song choice for sure…

Even the audience are a little lukewarm.

Louis: I don’t understand where you got that song from – it’s the most hideous song choice on X Factor ever. Dannii: Scott, sack your mentor! That was not the song for you. I don’t know what Simon was thinking. Cheryl: You’re a thoroughly nice guy, I think Simon was trying to challenge you, but I blame him, not you. Simon: I have to agree with the others – I made a mistake. I hope the north of England (where you’re from) give you another chance to come back next week.

Ooooh, there are tears people! Much sympathy for Scott from the Unreality TV front room! Poor guy…

Rachel Hylton

Rachel’s been a controversial artist – her delivery of songs is always quirky, but can have a tendency to backfire on her. How will it be tonight with Robyn’s With Every Heartbeat. I’m watching Simon and Louis, and they have perplexed looks on their faces – ouch, this is painful. She’s shouting more than singing. If I had to describe this performance in one word it would be “brutal”.

Louis: That was totally, totally the wrong song. I know you have the talent. I love you, but I didn’t get it. Cheryl: You’re one of the strongest in this competition, but your vocal is better and far better than that track. Simon: Dannii, you gave her a cheap piece of rubbish to sing. It’s like putting lemonade instead of petrol in a Ferrari. Dannii: I know you didn’t like that song choice.

Notable point that Louis asked the audience to vote for Rachel to give her another chance, and she’s not even his act!

Diana Vickers

The judges are worried about her performance, Diana is worried, but Cheryl has absolute faith in her! She comes on stage with a slightly Celtic-tinged rendition of With Or Without You by U2. I’m getting tingles here…this is a girl who, like Rachel Hylton, has her own style. I just love her voice and how she works the song.

A bit befuddled by the Kate Bush-style hand movements, but a poised brilliant performance. The charts need this girl…

Louis: You’re actually a breath of fresh air in this competition…I think you’re the one to beat. Dannii: Your hands were a bit like a puppet show, but I loved your singing. Simon: You’re the singing version of Marmite – you either love it or hate it. I loved it. I actually thought it was fantastic. Cheryl: You absolutely nailed it.

Bad Lashes

Beginning with a full-on version of It Must Have Been Love by Roxette, two look good, two have questionable haircuts. I think this group have potential, but the song’s not the best choice, and I’d have liked to hear them sing individually a bit more.

Dannii: The solo bits were good, the thing that’s going to distibguish you from the other girl band is personality. Cheryl: I think you’re edgy, spunky, but I wouldn’t have chosen that song for you, maybe made you more edgy. Simon: It got a bit shreiky toward the end, I think the fun was sucked out of you. Louis: I know everybody in the north of England is going to vote for you.

Eoghan Quigg

Simon takes responsibility for the song choice before Eoghan sings a note! Bad sign or overconfidence? He’s singing a BIG SONG – Imagine by John Lennon. It’s a very boyband style version if you ask me, but the kid’s got a lovely voice. I reckon he’ll get the mother’s vote, the grandmother’s vote and a fair bit of the teen vote.

It’s not knocking my socks off, but it’s a pretty good version.

Louis: You’re definitely not going home tonight. Dannii: That was soo good, you’re just sailing towards the final. Cheryl: You absolutely nailed that tonight – the young girls at home are going to be going nuts for you. Simon: You haven’t got one of the biggest voices in this competition, but you got it right.

Ruth Lorenzo

Will Ruth play on the Spanish thing in her performance tonight? Let’s find out. In the VT, she’s worried that she’ll be overwhelmed on stage.

Ouch. I’m not fond of Take My Breath Away, less so when it’s sung in Spanish then English then Spanish again. That gimmick isn’t going to work week after week. She looks hot though. Very hot. She’s got a Celine Dion type of voice in places – if we keep her in the competition, will we get a rendition of My Heart Will Go On?

Louis: It was dramatic – I liked it, but I’m not sure the British public are gonna get you. Cheryl: Sexy senorita! The perfect song choice for you. Simon: (Completely got her name wrong – called her Rachel – and she looked pissed, really pissed at him) You are a real woman. I don’t think you are the best singer. [Louis – you fancy her] Yeah, I do. Dannii: She doesn’t have to do the Spanish senorita every week. I can see a bit of the rock chick in you that you could become.

Laura White

Begins performance with an ungodly shriek – it’s Alicia Keys’ Falling. After that ear-splitting start, she settles into a soulful version of the song. No offense, but her hair and dress are awful. She’s got one of the best voices on show tonight, but they’ve styled her very badly. Loved the voice though. Brilliant crowd reception, probably the best of the evening.

Louis: That was just incredible. Dannii: You’re a major contender. You’re just da bomb! Simon: I thought that was outstanding. You have something very very special, and this is why I still like doing this show in this country. You have a fantastic future ahead of you, young lady. Cheryl: You just proved yourself up there tonight.

That’s it folks – show’s over for now. Catch up with us later for the results show. Don’t forget to share your verdict in the comments…