Saturday 25th August 7.40pm ITV1

Last week 11 million people tuned in to watch the return of The X Factor. You may have thought that you’d seen it all, but you ain’t seen nothing yet, as the auditions get bigger, better and weirder than ever before.

This week we travel to Birmingham, Cardiff and Manchester on the search for that elusive star. And everyone auditioning has the same dream, to compete for the Christmas number one slot, but first they need to impress our four judges, Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne, Louis Walsh and Danniii Minogue.

* The angriest ever contestant
* The Phantom of love
* Saving Private Ryan
* A pain in the ass (Xtra Factor)

The first stop in the auditions is Birmingham, and the Brummies haven’t let themselves down as record breaking numbers turn up to audition at the NEC, hoping that one day they may just be performing here themselves.

And before the Judging starts, Dannii and Simon reflection what it is they are looking for, “If we don’t find a talent as big as Leona this series then we’ve failed”, says Dannii and Simon comments, “I still believe there is world class talent in the UK and it’s our job to find it.”

Not quite Whitney

39 year old Mum of four Debbie Griffiths from the West Midlands is the first in to see the Judges. Debbie, dressed to the nines in a full length gold dress, is not only confident that she is exactly what the Judges are looking for, she also believes she can give Whitney Houston a run for her money.

“I love Whitney, she’s a strong powerful lady, I love her songs and the way she dresses, she’s fantastic.”

But Debbie some what lacks the vocal capability of Whitney and her ear piercing rendition of “I Will Always Love You” leaves the Judges somewhat aghast.

Simon remarks, “Probably the worst version of that song I’ve ever heard, it was really bad Debbie”, Louis saying, “It reminded me of being at a wedding after everyone is drunk and the bridesmaid gets up and tries to sing, it was just awful.”

A Menu of songs to choose from

Next in to face the Judges is 27 year old Iklaz Soul from Birmingham. Iklaz has bought a folder of song options with him, “Ooh a menu to choose from how lovely” says Sharon. But Simon is less than impressed with his selection as Iklaz goes through his extensive list of song choices, “No, next, no, next” is all Simon can say. After finally reaching the end of his selection Simon and Iklaz agree on a song for him to sing, “Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying” but Joseph Feliciano, but it’s short lived as after 30 seconds Simon asks for another….. then another……. and then another.

Sometime later Simon eventually give his verdict, “Iklaz you have now demonstrated on about 11 songs that you really can’t sing”, but Louis is unsure and asks to hear a twelfth, much to Dannii’s amusement!

Wedding Singer

As the auditions move to Manchester, Gavin Jones, a 31 year old wedding singer from Manchester, is hoping that he can take the leap from singing at weddings to performing in front of thousands.

As Gavin explains his performances aren’t always well received, “At the last wedding I sang at, for the last 45 minutes of the set, not one person danced and they just ignored us all night!” Let’s hope the judges are more impressed, and to put him at ease Simon offers a little advice, “Why don’t you pretend Dannii and Louis are the bride and groom?!” and Gavin quickly quips back, “I think Louis would be the drunk uncle, Dannii the bride, Sharon the gorgeous Mother of the bride and Simon, you’d be one of the bridesmaid’s!” which certainly goes down well with Sharon, Louis and Dannii but has Gavin just lost his vote from Simon before he’s even sung?

After singing Jackie Wilson’s “You’re Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher and Higher” Simon notices a problem, “You’re problem is that you have sung other people’s songs for so many years that you don’t even know your own voice anymore because you’re so inclined to copy the original” but Louis thinks that, “he’s got a good voice and great likeability”. But will Gavin get the three yes’s he needs to get through to Bootcamp, or is it back to the wedding gigs?

Check-out girl to X Factor

Next in to see the Judges is 21 year old supermarket check out girl Steph Wilson from Cheshire. Steph doesn’t really enjoy her job, and despite suffering from nerves she’s hoping the judges can give her a life line away from the check out desk. After singing, “Songbird” by Eva Cassidy Simon comments that, “You’re not the best singer I’ve ever heard and you’re very nervous, but I like you”. And with a yes from Dannii and Sharon and a no from Louis Steph’s future lies in the hands of Simon Cowell. Will an emotional Steph be going back to the supermarket with good or bad news for her co-workers?

W + Y = X Factor

As the auditions move on to Cardiff,57 year old John Evans from Porthcawl, Wales, believes he has not only the X Factor but also the W, X, Y and Z factor because he’s a maths professor and teaches algebra!

Singing Tom Jones’ hit “Help Yourself” along with a very energetic high kick dance routine, the Judges are not sure what to make of him, “Quite bizarre”, says Sharon and Dannii’s more amused by his dancing, “It looked like you were trying to kick off your knickers,” “Or shake a dog off your leg” says Sharon. “But people in my home town love my dancing, they always like me to dance for them” defends John. But Simon has greater concerns, “I cannot believe you are a maths professor, which is quite a serious job, it’s terrifying that you think this is acceptable, it is literally terrifying, a horrific audition” “Horrifically good?” queries John, “What do you think, do you really think you are the X Factor winner?”

With Simon’s kind words will the Judges be denying Wales the next Tom Jones?

Paris is back

Last year 14 year old Paris Jones auditioned for the Judges and amazed them with her operatic voice, before she confessed that she was actually too young to enter the competition and only came along to see what Simon thought of her. Well this year with a reduction in the age category, the now 15 year old Paris is now eligible to apply. So for a second time Paris auditions for the Judges, but will they be as impressed as they were last year, and after a long wait will Paris make it through to Bootcamp?

Asbestos shine

It has not been a great day all round in Cardiff, “I can honestly say that was the worst session of Judging I have ever sat on in years, the whole day was wrong” moans Simon.

But hoping he can change the Judges mood is asbestos worker Andy Williams, 22 from Newport. “If I could make it as a singer then the asbestos job would be long gone” declares Andy, “But it’s my Dad I want to impress, to hear him say he’s proud of me would be amazing”.

Singing “Fly Me To The Moon” Andy certainly impresses Dannii, “I love the tone of your voice and the girls will just love you” but Simon is not so convinced, “There is something quite affected about your voice, you are forcing it too much”. With Dannii and Louis backing Andy and a no from Sharon, his future lies in Simon’s hands, can he do it for Wales?

The angriest ever contestant

One person who definitely thinks she has the makings of a future star is 25 year old Rachel Lesteri from Cardiff. “All of Cardiff knows me anyway, I’m an extremely good vocalist I can sing like Prince for Christ’s sake, I can sing like Cyndi Lauper and Gwen Stefani so you don’t get more versatile than that. I’m a raw talent, I’ve got the looks, I’ve got the body, I’m just too god damn good, I deserve this”, with confidence like that lets hope the Judges agree.

In the room Sharon asks Rachel what it is she does for a living, “Nothing, I’m lazy but I’ve been singing for years and sing all round the town and everything, I’d rate myself as a 10 – give me any song and I’ll sing it for you, I’m better than Madonna. Can I have a microphone please..!?”

After singing Sheen Easton’s “Sugar Walls” Rachel quips “Let’s face it that was good wasn’t it?”

But Simon is less than impressed, “No. You’ve got a really bad attitude sweetheart, everything I wouldn’t want, lazy, deluded, very little talent” “B******t” retorts Rachel, “You are everything I don’t want” responds Simon, “B******t” says Rachel again, “Well you asked the question sweetheart” says Simon. Rachel then launches into a foul mouthed tirade of abuse towards the Judges, “The way you lot live your lives you’re all ***** ***** you’re all **** and you know you are”. “Well why did you come here today then” asks Simon, “because I’m ****** good”, “I think you should leave the room now” requests Simon. Security guard Tony is called in to remove her from the room, but before she can leave she can’t resist a last attack at the Judges, “kiss my ass! “.

The judges are left speechless, “What an awful woman” says Louis, “I’ve never heard or seen someone speak like that before, it was foul” said Dannii, “What an ugly ugly person, in four years we’ve never had anyone that out there and abusive come in to the room, she was so full of hatred and she even scared me” said Sharon.

The Phantom of Love and Simon’s twin?!

Hoping to cheer the Judges up and spread some love, rather than abuse, is 43 year old Brazillian born shelf stacker, Icaro Taborda.

“My mission is to spread love. I spread love through my songs. To me good songs are songs that talk about love. I like to sing anything that talks about love, “Love Changes Everything”, “Love Goes Around”, “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before”. The love comes right deep from inside my heart and my whole body, I can’t describe it I just have too much love that’s my problem and I want to let it out”.

When Simon asks him what he does Icaro explains that he’s a “father of four and a husband of 20 years, I must be a hero if I can keep my woman for that long!”

After singing, “Play Me” by Neil Diamond, Sharon is obviously impressed with his love moves, “I think you are very different, an unusual singing technique but I like you very much, you remind me of Julio Inglesias” and Dannii can’t deny the love either, “We can’t deny the love this man has to offer the world” but Simon’s not feeling the love, “I can’t hear anymore, it’s just all too much”.

But Icaro has his own way of spreading the love to Simon, “Three people outside told me I looked like you, and my father was in the UK 40 years ago so maybe we are long lost twins Simon!”

But will Icaro’s love be enough to melt the Judge’s hearts and let him through to the next stage?

Saving Private Ryan

For the final contestant in to see the Judges, today is more of a life changing opportunity than it is for most, 22 year old Trooper Ryan Idzi from South Wales. Ryan has been serving overseas for the last six years, but due to some tough times whilst he’s been away he’s now decided he’s done his bit for his country and do something for himself, and that’s to sing.

Ryan, “Singing has helped me through so many times in Iraqi, in times when I’ve basically just felt sad and singing is a way of making me happy. In the army you do bond like brothers, you always look out for one another and if there’s an opportunity when you can save someone then you will. The second time I was in Iraq the wagon in front of me was hit by a bomb and I lost two friends. It messes you up a bit and it did scar me and the nightmares will never go away. That’s why now I grab every opportunity I can and pursue my dreams.

Whilst singing “Lean On Me” for the Judges, his Mum and Dad are waiting anxiously outside the room, “Ryan said to me that if he doesn’t get through today then he going to go to Afghanistan so I am hoping and praying he gets through today” explains Dad. And it looks like Ryan may have to put his army career on hold with Dannii completely won over, “You are gorgeous, girls will fall over and melt when they see you”. Simon “I won’t lie to you and tell you it’s the best vocal we’ve had but I think people will really, really like you and that’s a start.”

Will Ryan be delivering good news back at his base to his fellow colleagues and will he be facing a very different kind of Bootcamp to the one he is used too?