Welcome, welcome, welcome dear readers to our X Factor, week 3 results show live post. Sunday nights…just got bloggy! Follow us as we moan about having to watch Westlife and Michael Buble. Actually, that’s gonna be tougher to watch than John and Edward. Where’s the alcohol? We’re gonna need it.

The only lesson learned from tonight’s shitty group performance was that John and Edward do look like that other famous Irish duo, Zig and Zag – didn’t they have that crap tufty hair as well? And don’t get me started on the acne..

A couple of Irish muppets are causing mayhem on X Factor

Alphabeat’s Fascination never sounded cheesier, did it ladies and gentlemen? We can only assume that Louis was complaining to Simon that “it just wasn’t Big Band” as the contestants minced up on the stage.

After the inevitable 10 minutes of filler material from Dermot, we eventually get introduced to Westlife. Don’t expect me to say nice things, old lady Westlife fans, I can’t stand ‘em. Are the ‘life moving in a Take That direction? Just wondering ‘coz the song isn’t their usual fodder, and Shane is looking a little bit like Gaz Barlow with his haircut. Nevertheless, the only thing that would make this performance interesting is some fly on the wall footage of Brian McFadden weeping over the corpse of his ‘solo’ career as Delta tries to prise the big loser off her shoulder.

Mercifully, we don’t get the obligatory ‘funny’ Simon judging the popular chart act but. But still, Westlife…they’re no Boyzone, are they folks?

After a commercial break, we get further commercial bombardment from Michael Buble. Thinking about it, since Westlife came on stage, it’s been sales sales sales – buy the new Westlife single, whatever insurance sales and ‘sue your neighbour’ adverts were on in your region, O’Leary pimping out Alexandra Burke and Cheryl Cole‘s various chart achievements and now Michael Buble singing Cry Me A River. Hey, Ofcom…

As for Buble, no offense readers, but I don’t get this low-rent repackaged Big Band nonsense. It’s been going on since Robbie did Swing When You’re Winning, but it’s musical regurgitation of the worst kind. Well, at least he isn’t coked to the eyeballs. Sorry to rant, people, but bleurgh. We get a great one-liner from Dermot when he says to Buble “It’s nice to interview an international star who isn’t weird.” Oh, how we LOLed!

The show moves quickly toward the final two showdown, and all the good acts manage to get back in for another week, even Rachel Adedeji. Brilliant! Except that Danyl Johnson remains on the stage. What’s going on? Yikes, he’s in the bottom two along with Miss Frank – Lloyd Daniels scraped through to next week!

Miss Frank come back on for a version of Love Don’t Live Here Anymore and Graziella’s rapping grates on my nerves. Does it have to be every song? I kind of think that it’ll serve Louis right if these girls get sent home at the expense of John and Edward. Still, like I said last night, they’re not as good as the hype.

Danyl comes up next with his trusty old audition song that we fell in love with With A Little Help From My Friends. Even though it seems he didn’t get much help from the voters. It’s a storming rendition, and hopefully one that’ll save him this week, although we anticipate the judges reaching a deadlock tonight.

Louis naturally backs his own act, Miss Frank. Simon backs Danyl, saying that “it’s a joke” that he’s in the bottom two. Dannii casts her vote next – and chooses to send home Miss Frank. Cheryl decides to play russian roulette and votes out Danyl, making the public vote be the decider. And based on the public vote, Miss Frank are eliminated. It’s sad, but not completely sad.

The wost part of it is that John and Edward are still in the competition, Louis’ last act out of all the groups. Which is funny, because more or less exactly the same thing happened last year – two of the groups got booted out in the first few weeks of the competition. So much for being the ‘guru’ of groups, eh?