Everybody ready for what promises to be a controversial results show? Cheryl and Dannii are rocking the outlandish frocks, Louis and Simon aren’t. Dermot’s giving us the run-down of tonight’s episode, and the ensemble performance is about to begin…

They’re doing Bohemian Rhapsody tonight. Ambitious! Because Rhapsody is such a long song, they’ve picked out highlights from it, which sounds a little bit like fast-forwarding through the song somewhat. It only gets really good when Brian May and Roger Taylor make their appearance. What? The guitar solo continues while Brian May’s hand is in the air. Seems the contestants aren’t the only ones miming tonight!

Still, nice to see the old dogs rocking the stage. Even if they couldn’t remember Stacey’s name…

Recap time!

Yeah, we get the usual mix of last night’s footage and backstage commentary. Makes me stand by my comments about the contestants – Olly was cheesy while Lloyd was unconvincing. Jedward were utterly surreal. Danyl seems to have turned public opinion around after his performance too.

I love the fact that they totally whitewashed the Calvin Harris thing, calling him “some idiot looking for publicity”. Why not just have a laugh about it?

Shakira, baby!

So good they named her twice, here’s Shakira Shakira with her new single Did It Again. And as always, she looks delectable in a naval baring outfit doing her rather bizarre dance moves. The jury’s still out on the actual song – it’s definitely not as catchy as first single She Wolf. Things get a little bit odder when she starts drumming with those Oriental chicks in the background, but I guess that’s par for the course with this lady

She tells the contestants to put in “hard work and intelligent effort” and to “not be afraid of Simon”. We wonder if guests are contractually obliged to namedrop Mr Cowell during their interviews…

And this year’s charity single is…

You Are Not Alone by the lately departed Michael Jackson, experiencing a career high at the moment. Did you hear Michael McIntyre’s Jacko joke on Jonathan Ross this week? He was saying that it was a shame Jackson died before the swine flu epidemic reall took off, because his facemask look really came into fashion after he died… Hey, blame McIntyre, not me…

The X Factor finalists are performing this in aid of Great Ormond Street hospital. McElderry’s first up to the mic, followed by Murs. Here’s Lucie. Damn, she looks good. Johnson is next, then Adedeji and Lloyd Daniels. Rachel’s got the hair piled high and a very severe shave down the sides – cool! Jedward were missable, as were Miss Frank. Archer and Solomon take center stage for their bit, then Kandy Rain get their moment in the spotlight. Looking good, ladies

The audience mess the whole thing up with their out of time glowstick waving. Then comes the glitter rain! I love the glitter! Oh, did I mention that the song itself is rather tepid? But who cares, it’s for charidee folks…

Elimination time!

Don’t know about you, but the last few weeks of eliminations have been so shocking, I’m automatically clenching my teeth! I have literally no idea who is going to be bottom two this weekend!

Here we go: Joe McElderry is the first act returning, followed by Danyl Johnson and Stacey Solomon (that’s the BIG THREE, viewers). Olly Murs is fourth. Will Jedward escape the bottom two? YES! Unbelievable! That leaves Jamie Archer and Lloyd Daniels in the bottom two, singing for their supper survival. As Holly Willoughby said on Xtra Factor last night, people love Jedward on Saturday night, but hate them on Sunday when another legitimate act gets booted off!

The Sing-off

Jamie’s up first with Queen’s The Show Must Go On. I’m rooting for Jamie tonight – this is a great version – why didn’t he do this last night? I’m not sure Jamie can win the competition tonight, but he’s better than Lloyd, and that’s all that matters.

Wee Lloyd is next. Don’t give us the puppy dog eyes, Daniels!!! He’s clearly suffering with the nerves, and singing Paolo Nuttini’s Last Request. Sorry, but this guy needs to go home tonight. He’s just not good enough for X Factor. Sorry, but I speak the truth folks…

Simon opts to save Jamie, Cheryl naturally saves Lloyd. Louis grinds his axe against Jamie and saves Lloyd. No-one can hear Dannii Minogue’s comments. Dannii is making this very much about the singing, especially after last week, and opts to send Lloyd home. This defaults us to deadlock yet again. Tonight’s eliminee (if that’s a word) is…

Jamie Archer

Awww, dude. We’re devastated about this. Of course, we’re blaming Louis Walsh for copping out. Damn you, Walsh.I wonder if this’ll introduce tension between Louis and Simon, since Jamie is Simon’s act. Cowell admits that he may have let Jamie down with his song choices, but says he has a great future ahead of him.

In other news…Mariah Carey and Susan Boyle are performing on next week’s elimination show.