Yay, we’re back and feeling X-ey tonight – the pundits are predicting the fall of Danyl Johnson while whatever deal Lloyd Daniels struck with Satan seems to be paying off for him. Fair play to the youngfella from Wales, he actually improved last night, but he’s still miles off Joe McElderry quality.

Oh – and tonight’s question: Who do you think will get kicked out tonight?

And as for Olly Murs – I worked out his formula last night. Olly does the trademark “Murs Shuffle” while the dancing girls around him dress up in whatever costume suits Brian Friedman’s creative vision for the performance. Basically, it’s the same face, same dance with different stage dressing. Give that man a headline tour and you’ll see what I mean.

But onward Dermot! To the results show! The steaks couldn’t be tougher!

Tonight’s show is jam-packed with sexy international talent – Alicia Keys and Rihanna! But first, here come the judges – and Dannii and Cheryl are sporting some eyecatching frockwear tonight, but the camera pans to Louis looking slightly disheveled and you kinda wish they’d give him a nice dress to wear too.

Let’s get the ensemble performance out of the way – a rather limp version of Scissor Sisters’ I Don’t Feel Like Dancing done in the Friedman stylee. Er, it’s a tad un-coordinated though, and it feels like they sucked all the fun and energy out of the song. Nice arrangement…not.

We run through last night’s show – and possibly Simon Cowell’s most legendary quote ever! “It’s not about the first kiss darling, it’s all about the second.” Said to Cheryl backstage. Priceless Actually, Cowell backstage was a force of nature last night from what I can see.

Alicia Keys

Yes! I was hoping for a blast of Empire State Of Mind, the song she did with Jay-Z – she opens with that and then segues into her latest single. It’s the first outing for Doesn’t Mean Anything so it’s unfamiliar to us, but a great tune and good to hear her singing live. She’s looking pretty tasty in the red outfit, isn’t she gents?

I love this, she’s worked in her best known single No One, she tells Dermot: “We did a little mini concert for you…” She totally dodges the bullet from Dermot “What do you think of the final five?” No answer means you think they’re shit, Alicia! But she’s glad there’s a woman in the final 5.

Judges Opinions

Who’s in danger this week? Simon says Lloyd. The girls say everybody, but Louis also nominates Lloyd. That bit of opinion out of the way, on to Rihanna! Yay!

Rihanna!

I’ve been waiting for this all week. She’s plugging her new single Russian Roulette. I wonder if that’s real fur she’s draped in? Somebody call PETA! She’s bringing the drama with a pinkish throne and a very intimately lit stage set. She has a minor hairdo malfunction when a part of her bouffant falls across her eyes. She reminds me a little of that Rachel Adedeji girl, anyone else? Brilliant, great performance.

I love the way she towers over Dermot! She casually drapes an arm round his neck and drooling sofa-dwellers like me suddenly wish we could trade places with him for a minute…

Elimination time

OOOOOOOOHHHHH! There’s no final showdown tonight. It’s literally a case of the act with the least votes goes home. Simple as that! Stacey gets returned first. The second act returning is…Joe McElderry. Lloyd looks devastated in advance. The third act returning for the semi-final is…Danyl Johnson! It’s between Olly Murs and Lloyd Daniels. I’m actually excited! And Olly is the fourth act for the semi-finals – Lloyd Daniels is going home.

Something I wanna say here – did you notice how Olly consoled Lloyd after getting the news? Well, he didn’t. Olly leaped up and down in an orgy of self-congratulation and stomped off, stage right. Not a word of consolation to the obviously upset teenager!

Lloyd gets to sing his Take That song from last night before the show ends. And as much as I’ve grumbled about him, I’m a little bit sad for the kid – as a couple of commenters on Unreality TV have remarked, with a couple of years maturity, Lloyd could have been much better. He was out of his league this year, but he could come back much stronger in a couple of years time. I don’t know if there’s any rule that excludes a finalist from applying in a later year of X Factor.