A surly pensioner will be opening tonight’s X Factor show and will show his grumpy side to judge Tulisa Contostavlos.

The 70 year old retired kitchen porter from Chiswick, showed up in London to try out for the panel earlier this year and told producers:
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“My name is Nick, I’m 70 years old and I’m retired. I’ve been singing most of my life really. I did try to go for Stars in their Eyes but they turned round and said they never received the tape.”

The hopeful singer admitted that he thought he had what it took to impress Irish star Louis Walsh adding:

“I reckon I have got a pretty good chance with Louis. I have got my wife here to support me… Tulisa is alright but she can be a bit – you know what… When I walk out on that stage I’m confident I will do really well and that’s it.”

Nick then took to the stage and launched into a rendition of ‘Baby Baby’ by Buddy Holly’, telling Louis that he didn’t prepare any other tracks.

Judges Comments:

Tulisa: Nick, you really looked like you enjoyed yourself up there…I’m not sure if it’s right for the show.

Gary Barlow: Nick, there is a serious side to what we are doing here today, we are here to find someone who is going to sell records all over the world. Can I see the potential of you singing millions of albums globally? No.

After his tryout Nick was furious with the judges and with one in particular. He slammed N Dubz star Tulisa saying:

“I’m not sorry; I knew it was going to happen and that Tulisa was going to do it. She spoilt it!”

He continued:

“She just said No. The truth is that they don’t know what they are talking about.”

“I knew it wouldn’t, I just knew it. It was that f*****g Tulisa!”

Tune into the X Factor tonight to see Nick’s full audition and to find out whether Tulisa hit the nail on the head, or whether the old time wannabe deserved another chance….