Evening everybody – it’s the third week of X Factor live shows and the abysmal swing week. Louis Walsh is back in the judges chair tonight as well. I’ll be liveblogging the entire show from the comfort of my sofa, while the fan under my laptop slowly cooks my leg, which’ll be good for a snack later. Tastes like chicken, I’m told by cannibalistic friends.

Anyhow, the Talk Talk lightshow has begun, the dramatic voiced voiceover dude is speaking. Let’s get this party started! And I don’t care what Lisa says, I’m glad to see Louis back this week!

As the O’Leary rightly points out, Swing Week can be the most difficult, especially for the younger contestants who think this kind of thing is straighforward crooning. Dannii is wearing a rather 30’s inspired number tonight, tasteful and elegant. Cheryl Cole is wearing something that looks like a wedding dress. Louis gets masive cheers upon his return to the judging panel!

Olly Murs

Without any messing around, Simon announces Olly Murs. We get to see Olly schmoozing with Michael Buble. Cheryl thinks Olly’s out of his comfort zone, while Simon thinks he’s completely safe. What gives? Let’s find out…

He’s looking dapper tonight, though the braces are a bit…well, not Olly. He’s singing the theme tune to Bewitched, flanked by two hot witchy girls. Nice work, Murs, very very smooth.

Louis: You are the dark horse in this competition. You’re getting better and better. You’re the boy next door, you can sing, you can dance and you’re very likeable. Dannii: That was one classy big band performance. Cheryl: It’s like you’re really coming into your own every week. I think you’re just gonna get better and better. Simon: Once again Olly, back in your comfort zone. Loved the dancing, I know what it’s like working with two witches. The whole point about making big band work is you’ve gotta have style, charisma and confidence.

Lloyd Daniels

Good bit of video from Cheryl saying that she won’t be making any more song choice mistakes with Lloyd. The bookies (Paddy Power) reckon he’s favourite to go this week. It won’t happen yet, he’s too good looking and there are too many teenage girls watching this show brandishing mobile phones. If the nation’s parents confiscated those phones, he’d be out in a heartbeat.

Anyway, Lloyd is singing Fly Me To The Moon and we’re wondering if it’s the song that’s dull or just Lloyd’s delivery. Unable to impress us with his vocals, Lloyd pulls off a nifty backflip which seems to make him a little more confident on stage. Still, he never moves away from that mic stand…

Louis: I’m a big supporter of yours and I know big band isn’t your thing. I think as a solo artist you’re a bit lost. Dannii: Totally disagree. I think that was good entertainment. There was a point halfway through the song where you started to feel comfortable, and I know it wasn’t your strength. Simon: I think your issue is that you’ve got to get some confidence. You were kind of looking over at Cheryl for guidance. There were tiny moments in the song where you were very good. Having said that, doing a backflip during Fly Me To The Moon is like eating a sandwich while swimming.

Miss Frank

After an abysmal showing last week, Miss Frank have a lot of making up to do. Louis admits he was disappointed with the girls last week, but hopes their song this week will put them in another league. Buble seems impressed from his masterclass.

They’re singing the old Sinatra number, That’s Life that they also sang at boot camp. I’m not impressed though. The vocals are drowned out by the music, and Graziella insists on doing a rap that doesn’t seem to have any place in the song. And don’t get me started on the styling. Hideous.Am I wrong? Tell me what you think!

Dannii: Girls!All I have to say is…back in the race! Cheryl: This is why we fell in love with you in the very beginning. Graziella, I loved the rap, girls you need to keep what makes you original. Simon: This is the first time since we started the live shows that I’ve started to believe in you as a group. I can now see some chemistry between you. (He makes a barbed point about some people not being able to take criticism – Jamie Afro perhaps?) Louis: We’ve got something special here – all we need is for people to vote for you.

Rachel Adedeji

Dannii throws Adedeji out to the wolves early tonight. Both ladies are wondering why she’s not making any headway with the general public. She’s singing a classic tune – Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Proud Mary, but in a swing style. Let’s hope this brings Rachel into the competition instead of sitting on the edges!

Mmmm, they’ve definitely softened up her appearance, she’s wearing her hair down tonight. After a subdued start to the song, Rachel bursts into a much livelier version of the song, a real belter version! You already know I love Rachel, but this is brilliant – the staging is brilliant. Could do with hearing her voice better, she’s a little low in the mix. Come on people – let’s see your votes for Rachel!!!

Louis: I can’t understand why people won’t vote for you. You’re an amazing singer and I’m glad you got your confidence back. Cheryl: You’ve got guts, you’ve got determination and you’ve got personality and most of all you can sing girl. Simon: This is not the same person I’ve been seeing for the past two weeks. You’ve been too serious, you’ve lost the silly haircut, it was a great vocal and a superb performance. Dannii: Rachel, that’s how its done!

Jamie Archer

Now, where’s the controversy? Jamie apparently refused to change his song choice last night at Simon’s suggestion and they had a stand-up row. They refer to this during the video part, and it looks like Jamie did change the song. How will he fare?

Well, Jamie skips onto the stage singing Angel Of Harlem by U2 (really good song, but not big band) He’s actually in his comfort zone, and it’s a good, confident performance. Cowell looks pleased. Jamie The Afro might actually be winning me around, but is he still a target for pub singer remarks?

Louis: Jamie, I’m a little bit confused because the theme this week is big band. I feel its cheating a little bit because you’re not using a big band song. Dannii: That was rich, that was real. I don’t think it had the magic of last week. Cheryl: It’s really tough to learn a song in 24 hours and come out and perform it. It didn’t excite me as much as last week, but well done. Simon: It wasn’t as good as last week, but we only had 24 hours.

Stacey Solomon

The Stacey Show begins with some video footage of her frantically babbling about her little boy, and even Buble is talking about her child too. Bizarre. We’re being told to watch out for emotion in the performance. She will be projecting emotions Derren Brown style to the nation.

Stacey gets all the good frocks on this show, doesn’t she? She’s wearing an extremely elegant little number. The song is When You Wish Upon A Star. It gets really good just past the middle, with Stacey giving a really powerful performance, then reverting back to a nice delicate tone for the ending. Sweet.

Louis: What a transformation! Everybody loves you Stacey! Cheryl: For me, it wasn’t the best I’ve heard you sing, but I still loved it. Simon: I agree with Cheryl, but I think you look better than you sounded tonight. I thought it was a little bit robotic, the performance. You’ve got to learn some performance skills. Dannii: I think I need to let everybody know that Stacey had her hardest week this week.

I do agree with Simon, she needs to up the ante with her performances. Also, I don’t get how she can sing so sweetly and then go back to talking in that voice. My biggest concern for Stacey is that if she doesn’t learn to talk properly, she’ll be no use as an artist. How else will she do interviews or introduce songs on stage? Sounds too much like a Catherine Tate comedy sketch for my taste.

Danyl Johnson

The hot favourite out of Simon’s group, Danyl is singing Feeling Good tonight, which should be the guarantee of a brilliant performance. Danyl professes to be a huge Michael Buble fan, which loses him 1,000 points in my esteem.

Danyl comes out on stage wearing that Rat-pack, undone bowtie look. He’s singing really well, putting in the cliched 110%. And though I’m watching him and thinking he might be my favourite contestant, something in the song is failing to gel for me. I think it’s a bit overdone.

Louis: Danyl, some people are born to sing, and you are absolutely one of them. You can sing, you own the stage and I think it was the most authentic performance of the night. Dannii: I have a lot of respect for you making that your own version. Cheryl: You looked the part, you sounded the part and that was another great performance from Danyl Johnson. Simon: We’re trying to find someone who can win this competition and go out and represent this country all around the world. I don’t think you’ve had enough credit in the competition so far. In my opinion, that was in a completely different league to anything else we’ve heard so far.

Joe McElderry

Joe is quietly impressing us each week, a great singer despite his youth. Cheryl tells us that she’s chosen a really big song for him tonight, but Buble says he doesn’t think Joe can pull off “sexy and sensual”. And Joe himself says that he’s worried about looking stupid.

Seriously viewers – just compare this kid to Lloyd – Joe has a certain charm that Lloyd is devoid of. He’s making an attempt at the choreography, which is wonderful. He seems to work well with the camera too. And of course, brilliantly sung despite a slightly weak opening.

Louis: I know you were so nervous backstage. You’re going to be in this competition to the very end! Dannii: You’re such a nice guy! You managed the snake hips very well. In all you performances, you’ve taken on mature songs and for a young guy, you come across as a man, but with the older dancers you looked like a boy tonight. Simon: I’ve gotta hand it to you, whatever’s thrown at you you just rise to the challenge, seriously. I didn’t think the performance was particularly authentic. You’ve got as much latin flair as a dolphin. The only thing with you is you’ve just gotta prove that you’re a recording artist and not a cutesy performer. Cheryl: You were sparkly, you were sexy.

Lucie Jones

Welsh singer Lucie is losing out due to lacklustre performances on stage – Cheryl said so last week. So hopefully Lucie will be a little more confident this week. She seems to realise the importance of raising her game, and judging by Dannii and Yvie’s comments, she might just pull it out of the bag tonight.

Singing My Funny Valentine, Lucie looks good in a long red dress. The song’s a more sultry number, but she’s performing it well, showing off a strong, very clear voice. Although she’s clearly a bit more confident in her performance, there’s still not much movement – a problem for her and Stacey. Beautifully done.

Louis: That was a very very amazing performance. A classic song and a great artist. It was just you and your voice. Brilliant arrangement. Cheryl: Tonight you absolutely proved me wrong. It was stunning, it was effortless, it gave me goosebumps. Simon: I thought it was a very good vocal, far far better than we’ve heard before. But you sang it like an actress so I didn’t quite get what I wanted out of it. Dannii: Can I just say that was just sensational. I want to thank Cheryl for her comments last week. You cannot fault that performance.

John and Edward

The abominations are about to hit the stage. We see their parents on the video. I was disappointed when they didn’t go “I’m Suzanne and I’m John. Together, we’re Suzanne and John!” Simon is rambling in some backroom about what’ll happen if they win the competition.

I’m not sure She Bangs counts as a Big Band song, Louis – since you’ve been throwing those accusations at Simon. Their performance is every kind of awful. Tuneless, garish and horrible, just horrible. They look like they’ve escaped from some kind of day-glo asylum. But like Simon says, what’s the point in complaining? Cheesy shites. (They actually get booed)

Dannii: That was some performance. You are the luckiest brothers…ever! I’m really torn here – the singing isn’t the standard that’s gonna follow Alexandra Burke to win the show. Cheryl: John and Edward…you are two of the nicest kids I’ve ever met. You’re fast becoming my guilty pleasure every week. Simon: Let me try and be constructive here. If you heard it on the radio, it would be one of the worst things you’d ever heard. I’ve got to give you some credit for putting on a show. But then I take it back to being a singing competition and this is appalling!

Well, there you go folks – tonight’s show is wrapped. All that remains is for you to cast your verdict in the comments box – let us know what you thought of the contestants tonight – who was your favourite and who did you hate?