Howdy, Unreality TV readers! We’re planning a night of X Factor fun and games to celebrate Wham! and George Michael week!

Here on the blog, we’ll be liveblogging the whole show, giving you the low-down on what’s been happening, what the judges said, and most importantly what I think of each act!!! You’re invited to leave your insightful and very funny comments, as always.

But there’s more!

• Chat about each contestant’s performance tonight on the Unreality TV X Factor forum.
• If you fancy blogging tonight’s show yourself, sign up for a free account at Unreality Shout and join our X Factor blogging group.
• And don’t forget, send us your opinions via Twitter (@unrealitytv) we sometimes publish the best comments in our liveblog post!

So off we go and as ever, the show kicks off with the positively edible Dermot looking awesome in his suit. I would wreck that dude…

However, I digress; and here come the judges, strolling onto stage to George Michael’s I Want Your Sex. So we’re back to the subject of Dermot again…

And now we’re having a little montage of George Michael’s hits, some of which of course the contestants are singing tonight. But it seems that he isn’t going to be on the show, or at least, not tonight.

As usual, we’re now getting the whole I’m Going To Give It 100% speech that every one of them do, as if most weeks they just give 20% or something.

Lloyd Daniels is first up singing Faith, and frankly, murdering it a tad. Well, maybe not murder, but definitely grievous songly harm…

He’s got his hair all slicked down tonight and I think he’s had it cut. Anyway, it suits him better than his previous do.

The crowd seemed to like his rendition of Faith and Dannii said he looks fantastic tonight.

Louis also loves the new hairdo and he said, “I love everything but the voice. I think you’re out of your depth now.”

Simon – for once – had a good word to say and he reckoned that Lloyd’s performance was “believable” and he added that Lloyd had “stepped up.”

Cheryl said she thought that was his best and most comfortable performance so far.

Dermot’s quizzing Louis about his negativity to which Louis’s replied that he just doesn’t think Lloyd is good enough to make it to the end.

Up next is Stacey Solomon singing If I Can’t Make You Love Me but before she starts, we get to see her visiting with her little boy who is uber cute! She looks stunning tonight! As always with Stacey, she’s note perfect, but I’ve never liked this song; it’s just so elevator or seedy nightclub song.

That said, she’s doing an amazing job of it.

Louis was full of compliments about her performance and Cheryl said that her voice has “become as big” as her personality. She added that Stacey could win.

Simon said she’s “one of the most genuinely nice people we’ve had on these shows” but he said that he didn’t think that she’d done as good a job as she did last week.

Dannii called it an “elegant performance” and added that – as Cheryl said – Stacey could well win.

I think she could too. I always have from the get go. I just wish that nobody would talk to her because that manic chatter makes me want to implode…

Oh gawd – it’s now John and Edward’s performance. We’re seeing them visiting home and their very sweet granddad. Bless. They also went back to their high school. It’s so moving – a bit like a laxative.

I don’t mean to be too mean to the lads; I’m sure they are genuinely nice guys but they shouldn’t be there.

Anywho, it seems they’ve got quite an elaborate dance routine tonight according to Brian and Louis. They’re singing I’m Your Man, and they look like the ’80s just threw them up…

Cheryl reckons the lads should be proud of themselves for getting this far while Simon said it was a “perfect song choice” but added that Louis’s going OTT with the choreography. Louis – who looks like he’s being worked from behind by that dude who does Nookie Bear wearing his tux and bow tie – says he arranges the elaborate dances because the boys “can do it. They can dance and sing…”

Yeah ok, whatever Nookie…

So next up is Danyl who I really like. He’s got a great voice and he seems like a really nice guy to me. I still don’t understand why he’s been so slated by the press.

Anyway, he’s singing Careless Whisper which always makes me think of Hev from EastEnders. I’m still having nightmares about the yogurt lid incident. *Shudders*

He’s singing beautifully but – much as I hate to criticise Danyl ‘cos I lurve him – he started out sounding a tad wobbly, but it’s getting better by the second. In fact, it’s got a kind of erotic edge to it. He’s hitting the notes perfectly too.

I do wish Dannii would wait ‘til the audience shut up; we never hear half of what she says! But there, that’s no great loss. She liked his performance was the general gist there.

Louis says Simon’s making it “very difficult” for Danyl by giving him such big songs and Cheryl agreed to some extent by saying that he was often flat.

Simon, unsurprisingly, loved it and slagged off Louis and Cheryl for their criticism. He added too that Danyl was “100% right” to choose that song. So maybe that’ll put an end to the speculation that there’s fur flying between them.

Next up is Olly Murs who I am most definitely in love with. If only I was ten years younger… I still wouldn’t have a hope of pulling him.

He’s been back to his home in Essex this week and took all his washing home to his mum. Typical lad…

So he’s singing Fast Love, and I’m sure it would be. I know it would be for me…

Oh my, he’s dressed in all black and those trousers speak volumes. I’d best not tell you what they’re saying to me.

He’s singing perfectly as always and dancing like he’s got the word RHYTHM right through the middle of him. And again, unless it’s my hormones, it’s all a tad erotic. Oooo Mrs.

Yet again Dannii started yacking through the applause and had a slight criticism of some of his notes when she could be heard. Clown.

Louis said that Olly’s “got the potential to win this competition.” Cheryl said he’s “cool” and “you always come out and deliver.” That he does.

Simon was suitably gushing about the performance and concurred that Olly could well win. I hope he does.

And finally tonight is Joe McElderry who’s also been home this week. He made the rather statement-of-the-glaringly-obvious by saying going home was like “going home”. Erm, ok…

Awww bless though, his granny’s giving him a kiss and a cuddle and telling him how proud she is of him.

Now we’re seeing him rehearsing for his song tonight which is Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me, which if the word Sun were swapped for Son, not something you’d hear George Michael saying is it? Teehee. I crack me up. Not that I’m implying anything paedo like there – but I just like the idea of a song called Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me… sorry.

Dannii said mup mpeyhgggp fulgss… or at least that’s what I could hear over the crowd. She did however say how much she enjoyed his performance. Louis said he’s got “great appeal” and that he could be like “Michael Buble”.

He’s yapping on now about the rules because it was an Elton John song, and George Michael only covered it. Yawn…

Simon said Joe did “the performance of his life” and added that Louis had “the audacity to sit there with your silly little rule book again. Who cares what you think?”

Well said Sir.

Cheryl said “you just stole the show; you smashed it”. I like Cheryl but I do get bored of those stock phrases – you smashed it, you nailed it, yada yada. Sounds more like Bob the Builder than X Factor.

Tomorrow night, Mariah Carey’s on the show and – I think Dermot said – Susan Boyle. I was typing and concentrating so I may have misheard that. I’m not good with multi-tasking!

So what did you reckon of tonight’s show? Who was your favourite? Which song was killed in the line of duty? Should John and Edward go this week? Does my bum look big in this?

Let us know and we’ll see you in just a few for our very own run down of Unreality’s X Factor chart.